Run to the border

Wow.. that was a book. Thanks for your lengthy and yet thoughtful comment. There's a simple fact. It's called attraction. There are 2 different types of attraction. 1 is physical and the other is mental attraction. Evidently the way I wrote it was specifically speaking of the physical attraction. The mental attraction develops later as time goes on. Some where during courtship/dating you would want some one you are attracted to. As you get to know someone you also begin to appreciate other qualities that they have. We all find someone attractive for many different reasons initially. I believe a person behavior says so much about their character. If someone takes care of themself, their home, car, possessions tells me if they have some type of self respect. If you have a nice car it would seem to show some type of responsibilty. He/She works hard and likes to enjoy their success. Unreliable people don't have long term employment. The don't have certain financial accomplishments that you would notice if you saw them in the valet line. The don't maintain a certain level of lifestyle. All of this would mean there was some type of responsible person. Some type of pride in how they present themself to the world. The bigger issue is, this is a summary of what happens on a date. It's not a detail account most of the time. There are alot of details and information left out. I'm not really sure what you can tell from a person within a 2 hour date. But there are certain things that people are attracted to. If life wasn't about appearances, there would be no plastic surgery or clothing fashion. We all would be driving a 1975 Pinto. I appreciate your comments, but IF I end up single and 'something in my day', I'm ok with that. It would be by choice and not forced.

Wow...you really have it going on in the dating scene. I mean, really, the fact that you are able to juggle so many women that you seem to be attracted to on one level or the other is really....hmmm, a unique ability or, well, not so unique and common amongst men....it's called a player. :)

I have to say, just reading the blog above, really made me pause and wonder what kind of substance in a woman is this guy (or guys) looking for? "She likes a clean cut man, with a goatee, great smile, well spoken, and can hold a conversation. She likes a man who takes pride in his appearance, his car, and his surroundings. She also likes his smooth, dark skin." Lol....where's the part about the character, integrity, their ability to be good dads, hard workers, loyal, trustworthy, dependable? Where's the thing about nice, polite, respectful, considerate, funny? All of those things that make us "who we are". I'm not mocking your date, and please forgive me it appears that way, But, you seem to put a lot of emphasis on things that in long run of a relationship, mean nada. The fact that someone is looking a little stressed, or put on a few pounds since you last saw them, or has funny shaped digits, PALES in comparison to things that come up in life....real life.

In the end, does it matter that you have a goatee, a nice clean car, or dark skin? I mean, what if you were light skinned, but drove a nice car....she wouldn't pay you the time of day because you didn't fit into that simple, basic little profile of the "perfect" man? Or what if you had a goatee but had a messy car? It's endless. If I met a man and when asked what he was looking for said something like that.....I would run from that person. And not because I wouldn't be physically attracted to him (if he were attractive) but because it speaks VOLUMES about them and their priorities in life. Good lord, if I were attracted to a man because he drove a clean car and had a goatee......shoot me, shoot me dead! To me, it just reeks of shallow.

Now, you're no spring chicken, and one day, one day soon, you will age, you'll gain a few, your jaw line will drop and so will your belly. It happens to everyone. I see old men and I always think to myself, "I'll bet that man was something in his day". For most of them, there's a wife of many years waiting at home who still thinks he's something.........even today. Why? Because he wasn't perfect then, and is even less perfect now....at least physically. It wasn't dark skin, a clean car and a sexy goatee that kept her there. It was his character and you can drive that in your clean car to the bank.

I gotta say, Ethan. I used to think it was fun and interesting to read your blogs and in some respects, it was intriguing. But, the more I read, and the more women you meet and the more details you give, I start to wonder if you are so caught up in the romance and sensuality of it all that you forget about the time you're wasting with women you, frankly, probably just have good sex with. And it's often.

There's nothing unique about that no matter how educated you are or how much you justify it by professing your "like" for many of these women. In the end......it just appears that you're probably a handsome, sexually educated, charming guy pushing 40.....and that's scary for a lot of folks. But trust me when I tell you, if you don't stop experimenting and look for substance....the only people that will find you charming are the younger ones at Starbacks whispering to their girlfriends, "I'll bet he was something in his day".

Good luck in your plight to find something most of us seek......true love.