Change Is Coming
Posted on 13 May 2008 | Category: Actual Dates
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OK it’s not really a revelation. It’s just me admitting to some things that I’ve ignored for years. I will admit when I started writing a few months ago, I thought this would be easy. Sure I have plenty of dates, plenty of funny stories and plenty of women to fill a encyclopedia. The one thing I realize now is that all the things I chose to ignore and push out of my memory is now on my site for the world to see.
I have to acknowledge the events happened.
I have to admit to all the good and the bad. I have to do the exact thing most people hate to do, wait for my readers criticize me. I know that most of the things I do are things that some men do every day. The only thing is, I’ve been doing it for years. I’ve been doing it better than anyone that I know or heard about. Yes, I’m a man-ho, man-whore, slut, player, or what ever you want to call me. Recently I had a heart to heart conversation with MC31. As a faithful reader, you know we have agreed to always tell each other the truth. She asked me how many women I’ve had sex with. She took a wild guess and was still wrong. I could only give her a realistic estimate of how many women. I know that several women I see on regular basis read this site, so I’ll just say the number is more than most would imagine. I believe in safe sex, but it’s easier for me to say how many women I truly wanted to date. That number is reserved for a very select few. Those are the ones I think about when I dream of meeting the women of my dreams. Most of my adult life has been surrounded by my ability to sexually satisfy a woman. Yes it’s been gratifying for me. The end result is it has damaged me emotionally. The common way for me to deal with serious break up is to turn to popular hook up websites like sdc, adult friend finder, and even match to have no strings attached relationships. Along the way I’ve some regrets, but I’ve pushed their memory out of my mind. It’s been a long and hard journey to be able to read my dating activities for the last 5 months. It’s made me reflect on my mistakes. It’s made me think about what it is I want from a relationship. I’m sure it’s given plenty of my readers something to bitch about. The fact is I do realize that I am looking for the answers. What answers? I want to know what is going to make me happy. I want to know how to make a long term relationship work. At this point in my life, I’m not sure if a relationship is in my future. The one thing that I’m grateful for being able to find women during my life that are beautiful enough to deal with me. And I’m referring to the ones I’ve had long term relationships with, not the sexual booty calls.
Why am I having this revelation now? What brought this on? A few days ago I had a bad experience. I met someone who was going to be just a booty call. She was very nice and attractive. When she took off her shirt she had scars from 2 major surgeries. She had a gastro bypass. Needless to say I couldn’t and didn’t go further. At that point I thought to myself, what the hell am I doing?! Why am I trying to emotionally kill myself? I didn’t have the answer. Since then I’ve done nothing but think about the changes I need to do. I hope you realize this isn’t going to be immediate over night change. But change is coming. It’s the only way I can cope. I know when this journey is over, it will all be worth it.
Post your comments, I’d like to hear your thoughts.
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May 14th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Did you really not know you are as superficial as you are (or as you appear to be at least)?
May 14th, 2008 at 5:54 am
WoW! I’m not surprised to read any of this. I’ve been a voyeur of your life for the last few months. A few times I wanted to cancel, but I thought to myself, nah, some of this is funny. My two cents, and I speak from experience, is that you only think you want a relationship. I thought I did and then when I get one I realize I don’t. You want companionship that is deeper than a booty call without all the potential drama and often “effort” of a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with this. People tell me it’s because I haven’t met the “right” one. I can accept this because I know I have and for reasons unknown it just didn’t work. No one compares. There was no effort. I stop dating sometimes, but for the most part I go on a lot of first dates. You choose who you want to sleep with. As long as you are honest about it, which I sometimes wonder with you, but who am I to judge? As long as it doesn’t hurt the person, your child or anyone else in your life or theirs, then it’s all on you. Your grown, you can make that choice. Yeah, we probably all read and have our opinion but are you wrong? I don’t think so.
I often wonder if by going out of your box if you might find that person who truly makes you happy. I doubt it. When you compromise what you want, you’re usually not happy with that person and in the end tell yourself “I knew better”. Everyone has preferences, yours happens to be beautiful women. Is this bad? No. Do your thing.
The reason for your revelation is very interesting to me and the main reason I’m writing. I’m on a website, not sure I’d call it a “dating” website as much as a “people with like minded interests coming together” website. There is a forum on there and this very thing was the topic the other day. Reading other people’s opinions and experiences was quite eye-opening. What happened to you was not at all uncommon when it was a situation with no emotional ties, simply there for the booty and then an undisclosed disfigurement. Does this make you less of a person, superficial, etc.??? Nah, I just wonder how it played out. How did you handle it? How did she handle it? Did you have warning?
Keep doing what you’re doing, just be honest, even if it means potentially not getting that booty, that day. Never take away the other persons right to make the choice by being dishonest. Karma is a bych.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
you know i usually just lurk but i had to tell you that i know beneath it all you are a man with a huge heart. good luck on your journey. if you ever need a cheerleader, i’m here for you!
lisaq’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday Eye Candy
May 19th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I was the queen of first dates and while I didn’t hook up with all of them, definitely more than people who know me in other contexts might expect. I had finally sworn off Match for good when I happened across someone on myspace that turned out great. So I think it’s possible, and while self-reflection can be good, only if you’re using it to make progress in your life. Don’t beat yourself up for having fun! Just make sure that the other person is having fun, too, and that you’re not lying to people to get what you want. I just got here, so I don’t know if you’ve talked about this elsewhere. Looking forward to reading more!
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