In Part One, I discussed white women dating black men from a dating preference perspective, but what about those women who do a 180 in their dating preferences and begin dating black men when everything in their value system and background would lead you to believe they would never date one? Maybe a girl who was raised in an extremely racist family or one who grew up in the Deep South where interracial dating has been frowned upon for years or even one who was raised in the conservative Midwest where interracial dating is just not something you see every day. How does that girl end up dating black men?

I think this really has something to do with psychology and human nature. It is, in some, a rebellion of sorts and, in others, a forbidden fruit kind of thing. For still others, it may be a ’shock value’ or attention getting thing.

Consider the girl who grew up in the Deep South. There’s a good chance that girl’s family, at the least, has racist tendencies. If, growing up, she felt controlled in her life by her family and what was expected of her, she may feel the need to rebel against that control. What better way to do that than to date black men? This is the girl who isn’t afraid to introduce the black man in her life to her family. Rather she would be the one who is insistent on that introduction. Sort of an ‘in your face’ kind of thing. Like, “Here he is. What the hell are you going to do about it?”

Now, on the other hand, the girl who wants to date the black man but hide him from her family is probably operating from a forbidden fruit kind of perspective. I want him because I’m intrigued, but I don’t want anyone to know. Though she’s dying to try it, she also still needs her family and friend’s approval. She can’t take the risk that she’ll be ostracized for her choice. She may even thrive on the adrenaline rush of having what she’s not supposed to have.

For some women, I think it’s about shock value and attention. These are the girls who grew up not getting the attention they needed from the people close to them. As they grew up, they looked for ways to gain attention whether it was positive or negative.  These are the girls who went Goth in high school or dyed their hair pink or maybe even became very sexually promiscuous. Anything to get someone to notice they were alive especially if they weren’t getting attention for the positive things in their lives such as good grades or special talents they might have. While they may give up their black clothes and makeup after graduation, that need to be noticed is still there. What better way to do that than to bring a black man home to dinner?

So the question isn’t perhaps as simply answered as you might think. I think, rather, that we are all products of our environment. A child learns what they live. It is in how we react to that environment that determines where we go…in dating and in life. Sometimes it’s as simple as what you prefer; other times it’s much more complicated.Post your comments, I’d like to hear your thoughts.If you like this post, then consider reading more from LisaQ at 40ssingleness.

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