Comments on: Sushi with MC31 http://idatewhite.com/2008/05/30/sushi-with-mc31/ Fri, 19 Mar 2010 05:48:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Lee Greenwood http://idatewhite.com/2008/05/30/sushi-with-mc31/comment-page-1/#comment-399 Lee Greenwood Mon, 02 Jun 2008 08:13:03 +0000 http://idatewhite.com/2008/05/30/sushi-with-mc31/#comment-399 Hi all, Thanks for the link! I am going to be a little ornery here, but I think people can and do change, both outside of and within relationships. I think the important thing is the catalyst for the change... A few years ago, I was in a very negative relationship where my partner was trying to coerce me to change, and to a certain extent I went along with it to make her happy. I tried to be the man she wanted me to be even though it began to compromise my personal integrity. Eventually, I had the strength to end it, but left with my self-worth in tatters. Between that relationship and the next I changed fundamentally, on a number of critical levels - this wasn't just growth, it was transcendence really. I became a different person, but the new me was the me I WANTED TO BE. Fast-forward to now, and things are different. I am with a girl who mostly accepts me for who I am, but would like a few minor changes :) Because I am a genuine, kind guy I often let her get her own way (the "yes, honey" paradigm) , and try to make a few changes if they will make her happy. Though I always stick to these following rules: 1) I will never compromise my personal integrity ever again, I am willing to change a bit of what I do, but not who I am... 2) I will never make a change to myself that has no value. Yes, I'll put the toilet seat down (and do). No, I won't wear Birkenstocks. I think it's possible for any relationship to change and evolve, as long as we each have an inner core of who we are, which doesn't change... Lee Greenwoods last blog post..<a href="http://blog.scramblejam.com/2008/05/10-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationships/" rel="nofollow">10 Ways to Upgrade your Relationships</a> Hi all,

Thanks for the link!

I am going to be a little ornery here, but I think people can and do change, both outside of and within relationships. I think the important thing is the catalyst for the change…

A few years ago, I was in a very negative relationship where my partner was trying to coerce me to change, and to a certain extent I went along with it to make her happy. I tried to be the man she wanted me to be even though it began to compromise my personal integrity. Eventually, I had the strength to end it, but left with my self-worth in tatters.

Between that relationship and the next I changed fundamentally, on a number of critical levels – this wasn’t just growth, it was transcendence really. I became a different person, but the new me was the me I WANTED TO BE.

Fast-forward to now, and things are different. I am with a girl who mostly accepts me for who I am, but would like a few minor changes :) Because I am a genuine, kind guy I often let her get her own way (the “yes, honey” paradigm) , and try to make a few changes if they will make her happy. Though I always stick to these following rules:

1) I will never compromise my personal integrity ever again, I am willing to change a bit of what I do, but not who I am…

2) I will never make a change to myself that has no value. Yes, I’ll put the toilet seat down (and do). No, I won’t wear Birkenstocks.

I think it’s possible for any relationship to change and evolve, as long as we each have an inner core of who we are, which doesn’t change…

Lee Greenwoods last blog post..10 Ways to Upgrade your Relationships

]]> By: Honey http://idatewhite.com/2008/05/30/sushi-with-mc31/comment-page-1/#comment-397 Honey Mon, 02 Jun 2008 03:19:40 +0000 http://idatewhite.com/2008/05/30/sushi-with-mc31/#comment-397 Well anyone who wants to say yes, Honey to me is welcome! I think people can change FOR their next relationship, but not WITHIN their current one. And if they do change and get back with an old flame, they will go back to their old ways. Those dynamics, once established, are just too hard to change. Compromise is one thing, change another...hard to tell the difference sometimes, but you've got to figure it out if you want it to work. Honeys last blog post..<a href="http://honeyandlance.com/weekly-roundup-man-juice" rel="nofollow">Weekly Roundup: Man Juice Edition</a> Well anyone who wants to say yes, Honey to me is welcome! I think people can change FOR their next relationship, but not WITHIN their current one. And if they do change and get back with an old flame, they will go back to their old ways. Those dynamics, once established, are just too hard to change. Compromise is one thing, change another…hard to tell the difference sometimes, but you’ve got to figure it out if you want it to work.

Honeys last blog post..Weekly Roundup: Man Juice Edition

]]> By: Amanda http://idatewhite.com/2008/05/30/sushi-with-mc31/comment-page-1/#comment-392 Amanda Sun, 01 Jun 2008 01:28:13 +0000 http://idatewhite.com/2008/05/30/sushi-with-mc31/#comment-392 I agree that people don't change. As much as we want others to change, they won't (or shouldn't) change just because we want them to. You need to decide if their "faults" and "habits" are ones that you would be able to look beyond because you truly love the person. No one is perfect. Everyone has something about them that someone, somewhere will inevitably find fault with. True love comes when someone recognizes these faults, but loves you in spite of them. I once went out with a guy that was dead set against having children. We had discussed this children issue at length before even meeting in person. Even though I think I want kids, I gave him a shot... Not 10 minutes into our first date, he was discussing our children and how it would be fun to tell them how mommy and daddy met. He flipped a switch so fast that it made me not want to see him again. If he could change his mind about something so important in a matter of minutes of meeting me, what else would he change to be with me? I don't want to be with someone who is willing to change his beliefs to be with me. I would rather be with someone who is willing to discuss our differences and come up with a common ground or path to follow. Am I unrealistic in thinking this way? Men always joke about how a happy marriage comes when they just say "yes, honey" and let their wives get their way... Maybe it's because I have never been married...but I don't believe that's a happy marriage at all. I agree that people don’t change. As much as we want others to change, they won’t (or shouldn’t) change just because we want them to. You need to decide if their “faults” and “habits” are ones that you would be able to look beyond because you truly love the person. No one is perfect. Everyone has something about them that someone, somewhere will inevitably find fault with. True love comes when someone recognizes these faults, but loves you in spite of them.

I once went out with a guy that was dead set against having children. We had discussed this children issue at length before even meeting in person. Even though I think I want kids, I gave him a shot… Not 10 minutes into our first date, he was discussing our children and how it would be fun to tell them how mommy and daddy met. He flipped a switch so fast that it made me not want to see him again. If he could change his mind about something so important in a matter of minutes of meeting me, what else would he change to be with me?

I don’t want to be with someone who is willing to change his beliefs to be with me. I would rather be with someone who is willing to discuss our differences and come up with a common ground or path to follow. Am I unrealistic in thinking this way?

Men always joke about how a happy marriage comes when they just say “yes, honey” and let their wives get their way… Maybe it’s because I have never been married…but I don’t believe that’s a happy marriage at all.

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