First of all I want to thank all my faithful readers and subscribers for reading my site.? I put a lot of time in expressing my thoughts, feelings, mistakes and joys for everyone to see.? For all of you that have been reading my site realize that I’m a very straight talking type guy.? I don’t sugar coat things, I don’t avoid the issues, and I write things that aren’t always the most popular opinion.? The following post I will cover several things I’ve given a lot of thought to over the couple weeks.? To follow my references you will be able to click on key words that will take you to those referenced writings.? So with that being said, I made a goal on May 18th to increase my traffic and subscriptions.? The decided plan of action was discussed and agreed upon with LisaQ.? It seemed to be simple plan of action.? It should be?a fun way to meet another writer and also allow my readers to get a inside view of me from a woman’s prospective.?
So I also want to apologize to everyone that was expecting more details and insight.? I know from the emails I’ve received that you were expecting more.? So as always, I will offer some details.? This may not be the most popular 
thing for me to do, but it is consistent with my honesty.? From the start I have always maintained a level of honesty with my intentions and my goals for IDW.? There have been some references to what they were and the level of my honesty.? Until now I, I have never addressed those discussions?in this forum.? I am Eathan.? Not Eathan as a egotistical maniac.? Eathan who writes about his dates.? Eathan who writes about his likes and dislikes.? Eathan who doesn’t hold back.? And I won’t hold back on this discussion either.? Over the last few weeks, I felt that I’ve been very diplomatic.? I spent time writing, discussing and planning ways to fulfill everything that I’ve promised my readers.?? I’ve introduced my readers to other bloggers and embraced the real spirit of community.? It’s truly a great experience.? But I feel as we have cheated everyone from what was really promised.? I promised to show my face and I will.? I promised there would be details of me from a woman’s prospective.? That’s the promise I can’t deliver.? I know the details are sketchy and you will have to deal with that.? I can’t change that.? At some point during this experience there is a definite difference between men and women.? They exist even if you don’t want to accept it.? One of the biggest differences is, women have a tendency to create a mental and emotional connection to someone quicker than men do.? I’ve found another blogger at VSB, who describes these differences in detail.? I’ve known these differences exist, but now you’re able to see them for yourself.? It simple, women automatically look for ‘meaning’ from the start.? Men don’t.? I’ve heard the question, ‘what did i do wrong?’? My answer would be, ‘you didn’t read my site and take my words honestly.’??One of the?best things that has ever happened to me is IDW.? It is my own personal hand book or owners manual.? It describes my do’s and don’ts.? It’s the easiest way for someone to get my thoughts on dating.? And most importantly, it shows some of my dating habits/patterns.? And??after all of this time I thought if you read the words there is a smaller chance for misinterpretation.? But I’m wrong.? I will say that in my?daily life, I hold no promise of love and a relationship.? I go into every date with the only expectation of good experience.?
All of my dating experiences happen because of communication.? I’ve posted about communication?for months now.? I spend a lot of time texting, emailing and talking to dates.? But ladies I will give you some insight.? There is only so many times a man will call.? If you don’t respond or acknowledge him, he will move on and dismiss you quickly.? So if you have something to say, if your upset, if you’re mad, if you’re happy, if you’re enthusiastic be prepared to say it?and spit it out.? Having adult relationships require a certain level of maturity to maintain.? If you can’t communicate you’re destined for failure and disappointment.? The one thing that I want you, my readers?to realize is, men and women view and approach dating differently.? And it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, it’s your own responsibility to understand what your own emotional boundaries are.? It’s your own responsibility to communicate those boundaries to your partner.?
So I’ve crossed a boundary here at IDW, I’ve post my picture.? I will end today’s post with a couple intimate thoughts I shared during a private conversation -
“I have no insight on who i am perceived as.? I have no gauge for what happened in my past.? I have nothing more than what I started with on Saturday?morning..which is my own thoughts.? I feel as if I started a team activity and yet the team has abandoned me in the final moments.? I’m not?attempting to change your mind with my writings.? I just felt like now is the time to express what I feel.? To express my confusion.? To express my feelings?of?shock.??To express my feelings of disappointment.? And to show my face to the world that wants to know who I am.? I am Eathan”
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{ 27 comments }
Well done, my man-ho friend, well done.
Any woman who would ignore everything you’ve revealed about yourself on this site, and then get upset when you behave exactly like the person you’ve shown yourself to be, needs to bitch-slap *herself* back to reality, and FAST.
If she has any trouble figuring out how to do that, then send her to me.
I agree Moody, what the hell was she thinking. She knew what Eathan was about, he didn’t pull no punches with her or bullshit her around. The meeting (other than sex) was about them getting together,hanging out and then blogging about her experience with Eathan…… from HER point of view….wtf….did I miss something? Please, someone….clue me in! Maybe I’m out of line here but from what I gathered from Lisaq and her blogging, she is not the casual, one night stand type chica but she will drive 6-8 hour trip to meet a man she’s never met,spend the night with him in his bed having….mind blowing sex and then gets all emotional on him. Looks to me like someone wasn’t mature enough to handle what she got herself into. Hmmm it is what it is!
BOO! I know you!!
You could have used a different picture showing those long beautiful eyelashes of yours!
Sounds like her expectations and your expectations were a little different. I hate that when that happens
Missys last blog post..Does there have to be fireworks on the first date?
There’s just a big difference in perception from men and women. Hate to admit it.. but there is. It’s not meant to bash anyone…But it’s the honest truth. Of how the same info is looked at two different angles.
I will continue to post on topics that will give insight into a man’s perspective of dating.
@missy thanks for the compliments.
Each of you blog and reveal who you are and what you are about. Maybe LisaQ should have taken your dating preferences here more seriously, but you had the same responsibility. I’ve only been reading your blogs for a couple of months, but I am aware that casual sex is not something LisaQ is normally comfortable with. I’m guessing you must have known that also. Maybe you should be stepped clear of that to avoid this miscommunication.
There were many phone conversations and text messages between you and we are not aware of the details. What LisaQ knows about you is more than just this blog, and we don’t know exactly how close you were before meeting. We don’t know what intimate things were said between you.
To Moody Bitch, you have no idea how he portrayed himself to LisaQ, you weren’t there. I think everyone judging here should just go bitch slap themselves.
@kelli I totally understand what you think to be the facts. But as I have always said..I’m very clear of what my intentions are. At no time did I have any expectations of sex with LisaQ. I never approached her from a sexual angle until I began to read sexual comments that were left on other blogs. I’ve also made it very clear before her arrival that it would be her choice of any and all activities that she wanted to participate in.. and that includes sex. I guess the only way I would be able to prove my case would be to share intimate emails that we exchanged..as well as yahoo chat conversations. Yes I do keep those. But I’ve made a promise not to reveal certain information out of respect. Like i’ve said before…i’ve been very diplomatic about how i’ve handled this.
My point is that I have no facts, and I don’t want any. I find it very sad that this is playing out online. This is between you and LisaQ and it should stay right there.
Well my point is.. this story line has been building and developing for several weeks (6 weeks). At the very climax of the story.. you can’t change the script… you can’t change horses 1/2 during the race. This is the final page of this chapter. I’ve always written about the good, bad and ugly of my dating life. And as much as i’ve been criticized about it.. it’s still apart of my dating life.
I wish life could be a bed of roses…but it’s not. At the end of the day… we 2 bloggers who open up our life for everyone to read.
Ok so check it, you can’t change the race halfway through it, but you could definitely cancel or delay it due to bad weather while both parties come up with a solution that’s respectful to all of those involved. I understand the arrangement made between you two, but the virtual world is a lot different than the real one. The real one comes with real feelings and real expectations.
I guess my problem with men has always been that because they’re upfront and honest they feel no responsibility for their wrongdoings or obligation to steer clear of something that may turn nasty. I’m not saying this is the case in your situation because I also was not privy to the personal conversations, and like Kelli don’t really want the privilege. Even I know that LisaQ isn’t a casual dater or bedder, and in knowing that you should feel some obligation against broadcasting the intimate details of your experience, at least until you were certain that you guys were on the same page…after all, she isn’t using an Alias, and her pics are linked to this site, her reputation is at stake as well. Six weeks is a long time to talk to someone, a lot of tension builds, expectations are formed and when you top it off with mind-blowing sex steps are expected to be taken afterwards.
What’s funny is that the game has NEVER changed, women have ALWAYS expected men to act right after good conversation, great connection and mind-blowing sex…why do we have to be the ones to adjust to you when it’s the way we’re wired and you KNOW what to expect. Why can’t men step up and say, I don’t really see this going anywhere, I should AT LEAST attempt not to sleep with her and be upfront about my feelings and if I don’t think she’s capable of handling it STILL not have sex with her for my sanity’s sake.(just a thought)
I don’t know what exactly went down and I’m a little shocked by it all…but she just seems a little disappointed. I can understand the disappointment, but I also feel she should bare a little responsibility for her actions and should have either stayed away from the penis or emotionally detached from the entire situation from jump. Oh and Eathan you know I love you right, but your site is a LITTLE self-indulgent.
@ Teacia .. I take full responsibility for all my actions. I always have and always will. The only details that should/would be detailed are the ones that were viewed by the public. Not the ones in the private moments behind closed doors. But my issue with women is.. even when a man attempts to be respectful and diplomatic it’s still our fault. WTF?? You could script my actions and somehow it would still be wrong. Why is that? The other issue I want to address is all of the things you’re suggesting takes COMMUNICATION. And that takes both sides. it’s a 2 way street.
Oh yeah… I luv ya too.. you’re my brown suga sista!
LoL…you’re an idiot Eathan.
And it’s not your fault per se, but this isn’t new…you’re what like 60 or something…you’ve been around for a few years…so you know how it works. There is no diplomacy when dealing with women…get it. There is NO diplomatic way to say, yeah I like you and all, the conversation is good, the sex was great but uhhhhh, I’m not feeling you like that…you’re always going to be met with opposition…ALWAYS! Even some of the most pimpin of women(shout out to me) get caught up every once and a while, there’s always some dude that just does it for us and all logic, reason and rationale goes out the window. So again I say, the game hasn’t changed, you know how women are, you know what we fall quicker than most men, the only thing that isn’t constant in this variable is the man…so unfortunately yes you bare a large part of the responsibility, after all we’re just being emotionally sensitive creatures that God made us to be…what’s your excuse?
“…brown suga babe, i gets high off the love don’t know how to behave.”
@ Teacia.. don’t make be break out my D’anglo singing. lol
And I’m NOT 60! lol
I knew I was liking you Teacia. You said it perfectly.
First, @kelli: *you* have no idea what I do or don’t know about any of their interactions; nor do you even have any idea what I know about just Eathan himself, how I’ve come to know it, how long we’ve been friends, what things we talk about, and so on. I feel quite comfortable saying that I not only have a great deal of insight into him, but I’m also very quick to knock him around in the same no-bullshit tone whenever I think he’s gone and lost his mind. I’m an equal opportunity bitch-slapper, all the way.
Second, I don’t care how many phone conversations and text messages two people have over a mere few weeks, until they are face to face, spending time together on a consistent and frequent basis, they are nothing more than virtual strangers (pun fully intended). A woman in her 40s with even a moderate amount of experience with dating and romantic relationships should be able to maintain a reasonable amount of perspective, and not let her emotions get over on her common sense when she’s dealing with any man, especially one she’s come across *via the internet*. Women have to be smart (and even a bit skeptical), not blindly accept what some guy says to them just because they want oh-so-badly to believe that it might be true.
Third, it was not Eathan’s job to protect Lisa from the consequences of her own choices, to be her mind-reader or her boundary monitor. She’s a grown woman! He didn’t force her to have sex with him (nor to drive hundreds of miles and many hours to have it, post about it on her site, etc.), these are things she voluntarily decided to do for personal motivations *of her own*. If the results weren’t what she expected, and Eathan didn’t make some specific promises to her that I’ve not yet heard about, then they were expectations which she created all in her own mind, and thus they were *her* responsibility to manage appropriately before even getting in the damn car.
But hey…if there’s some warped need to hold someone else *other than Lisa* accountable for protecting HER in this situation, what about the radical notion that her OWN female friends could have stepped up at any time in the period leading up to (and even during) that weekend? Shouldn’t our friends try to stop us from doing things which are not only out of character for us, but might also be potentially harmful to our psyche? Why did these women not do a little bitch-slapping intervention of their own?
First, @ moody bitch, you’re right, I wasn’t aware how involved you were until emailing with Eathan. I think even he thought you original post was a little harsh though. Not necessary.
Second, unless you live in a obscure foreign country, I don’t remember you being elected to decide for the rest of us the rules of how this all works. Your opinion is just that, only YOUR opinion. I live in a human world where everything is not all that perfect and you just never know what might happen. We make mistakes, and in just MY opinion, they both did in this case. I would have a very hard time believing from reading this blog that Eathan was totally unaware that LisaQ might have had feelings. He seems more aware than that.
I believe that men and women are different (reread Teacia’s posts). It is very, very common with online dating for people to communicate to the point of thinking there is a connection or relationship. And yes, it happens more to women. Women can try to be like men, but eventually it does fail. I agree with you that she should have understood that for him it might have only been about sex, but he also needed to understand that for her it might have meant something. Equal responsibility. Let’s be nice.
I had to read this a couple of times and I feel that in you being honest, I should be honest also. I have been reading for the past week and I respect the fact that I wasn’t there and I don’t know the exact ins and outs of what went on between yourself and Lisa Q, but I didn’t feel very comfortable reading your very detailed description of sex with my friend. That’s just me but I also noticed that you listed her as LQ45 on the first post and that for me said it all.
To me, you read like a black guy boasting how you gave a white woman a bit of your black magic and gave her pleasure that she hadn’t known before. There are ten a penny of black guys out there who get kicks out of hitting it with what they perceive are white women gagging for a piece of black ass. There is more to you than your black dick I would hope…
So here’s the deal because I like you Eathan and I enjoy your writing. You can’t shag someone as a promotional and advertising exercise and that’s essentially what you’ve done. Hell, you should have found a hooker or some unsuspecting woman. And do you know that you can increase traffic and subscriptions using all sorts of things that don’t involve exchanging of bodily fluid!?
You and Lisa Q seemed to hit it off quite well after the assclowns and douchebags series. Let me ask you something – why would you think that someone who had revealed so much of herself would be a prime candidate for what you had to offer? Which is in essence, casual, no strings, sex and a good time? I know you both spoke very regularly and seemed to really get to know one another. I don’t think she was expecting this to turn into a relationship, in fact I KNOW she wasn’t because let’s be fair Eathan, you’re not looking for a relationship. And I’m sure that in light of you writing this post that I made damn sure that Lisa was under no illusions about what lay in wait for her in Texas because all it takes is for me to read your blog and I knew that you weren’t thinking that this was anything special – hell you’ve been dating and shagging in between since you announced your promotional event!
No man or woman that is clocking up dating numbers and quick to reveal in immense detail is looking for a relationship. It’s like dating as a sport and the more you date, the more you get, and the more things you look for to find wrong in a person because it seems like a never ending dating pool.
I just don’t think she expected to not only be treated like a shagging and dating number but for it to be obviously listed as such on your blog. YOU may think that it’s OK to invite Lisa to Texas for a shag, a good time, and to meet her colleagues and friends Dan and Jenn (I love those two) but you know what…in light of what’s happened, someone (that would be you) looks like the balance of gain is tipped in their favour.
You got laid. You made some extremely good contacts. You got out.
And this is where men fall down in the communication stakes. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex and a great time and leave it at that but:
1) Choose your ‘target’ or ‘audience’ well
2) Quit all the chit chat and grooming them and getting to know them. Eathan, you know as well as I do that if you want to have great sex and a weekend with someone, you don’t need to groom them for several weeks beforehand. The level of effort sends the wrong signal and is disproportionate to what you had to offer.
3) Don’t behave like you care when really this was sex and business – messy!
You both have lessons to learn from this and I appreciate that from where you’re standing, you had a deal and you don’t feel like she’s held up her end of the bargain but readers didn’t keep their end of the bargain either as you didn’t get 300 subscribers so it sounds like the deal is off in more ways than one.
The choice to reveal yourself is yours and to be honest, I don’t think that Lisa wants to be so honest about your dates so I think it may be best to just let this one lie.
I hope that we are still cool and I hope that very, very, soon, a line will be drawn under this.
@nml 1st of of thanks for your lengthy comment. I realize that your comfort level on some of the details are based of your parental instinct with LisaQ. But I have to be honest.. I have referred to her as LQ45 previously. I didn’t hear any complaints then, I actually heard laughs and giggles because I was told that was cute. But oh well. The shag was not a expected promotional event. I was totally comfortable to keep it strickly social. But since we’re being honest. There were plenty of comments and conversation about that before I even addressed it during tele conversations. The one thing about me and my dating life is there are plenty of details on this site as well as through conversation in person. I’m not ashamed to discuss these things with my social group as they are with me. Let’s be honest, men and women have been doing this for years and no one wants to admit it. Have a bad experience and I guarantee a woman’s girl friends know all the details.
Now I was happy that I had the chance to meet D & J.. but the fact is, I’ve know that we’re in very similar social circles. As I’ve said privately, I was either not motivated or just purely lazy to attempt to meet them. We do have mutual friends long before ms dot map arrived. And trust me when I say, there are plenty of other people in the industry (blogging, software, internet gurus) that i know also. My social network and skills are far beyond lunch on Sunday afternoon.
Looking back on the events, I’m sure you know there is much more involved that what you know. As you have warned before not to become overly involved, it appears that I date for a sport.
As I’ve said previously, This promotional event was not based off a sexual event. It was never expected to give details of a sexual event. If you think it was, read LisaQ postings for the last 15 months. I approached this very cautiously. I believe my exact words were, ‘what are you expecting?’ This would have been a great opportunity for someone to meet me and totally slam me. And if that happened, I would’ve been ok with that. It would’ve made great content
And I revealed my picture, because I wanted to go the extra mile for the readers that follow my dating life. Just a token to show, I’ve got nothing to hide.
I live by one rule in my life and IDW. The truth hurts, but it’s still the truth.
Ok so moody is obviously a skeptic…lol. I don’t think there was anything wrong with Lisa Q expecting something to blossom from her experience. She was privy to an “Eathan” that most aren’t. I’m dating a guy who has a blog and he’s actually quite different off the blog than he is on it, because of his target audience he embraces a very “fluffed” side of himself, while our interactions are always insightful and meaningful.
So who’s to say that Lisa didn’t get the guy behind the mask, who’s to say that she didn’t perceive their real world interactions in a different light because he expressed them in one. Granted I’ve privately expressed my disappointment in Eathan’s public conquests and I do feel like he uses this site as a “pat on the back” for getting hella white women who have a sweet tooth for chocolate.
I’m not sure how this all went to hell in a handbasket but here’s the thing, I’ve found it quite refreshing when a guy says to me, “I wanna f@ck”…no fluff, just straight to the point, no deep conversation about my past or my goals and dreams for the future, just straight talk and then allows me the decision on whether or not to get involved. Now knowing Eathan a little, I know he enjoys making friendships, he’s a genuinely nice guy…a bit of a man-whore but nice no less. I’m sure he enjoyed the friendship of LisaQ and didn’t want things to be limited to just sex, which is WHY he should have been more careful when dealing with her.
Then again, it’s NO big deal. So Lisa you drove to Dallas and had great sex, you’re 40-something, there’s no law against having a good time, it’s just sex..we all do it, we all have it…consider yourself lucky it was good…b/c let me tell you, I have a few I wish I could take back. I don’t see you in a lesser light, nor do I see Eathan in a lesser light..this shit happens ERRDAY…just not necessarily online for the world to read about, but anyone who looks down on you for this needs to take a look at themselves…we’ve all gone the distance for someone we thought were special, only to find out that they were no different. Brush it off your shoulders and keep it moving.
And Eathan in the future please DO BETTER!! lol…seriously.
What a frickin’ mess this has become……………….stop the insanity!!!
Eathan, maybe you should choose a different topic all together to blog about?!
You know the slogan “got milk”?
Maybe you should do a 360 and fill that big hole in your heart…….. “got JESUS”
He is the ONLY one that truly knows your every want and need. Because most people are clueless as to what it is they think they need let alone what they want!
He created you…………only one EATHAN out there!
If you get a minute read Psalm 139
I’m dead serious……………..
@ lee I’m not sure how my lawn guy Jesus has to do with any of this… but i’ll ask him the next time he’s blowing the the grass off the side walk lol
Lee if he did a 360…he’d end up right back where we are…oh well…here we are.
Sorry..but, you just lost a subscriber.
There are better ways.
And, yes, there’s a lot to be said,
for the feelings of the person you date:
How in world can anyone,
not understand, (and, at the same say they understand) the differences between the sexes.
Wanting to know the “details,” was innocent teasing on my part. I never expected any intimate details. However,
there is one thing which is now apparent.
For all your honesty E-man, there’s something a “player” never seems to get, no matter how old they get:
Respect. Respect, is what pulls upon a man who (even, when they set themselves squarely into the “no strings/one-night-stand” arena)~~all honesty.
You haven’t respected her feelings.
And, the truth is, to bash either of you,
with judgements, after-the-fact, is a moot point, which only highlights a continued dis-respect.
Such trampling of motivation, and expections, doesn’t serve either of you well.
Respect, and fellow-feeling, along with honesty, goes a long way in this world. We only have one life to live; and, how we treat others, and ourselves, can make or break,
any relationship.
Go, lightly, into your next date.
Respectfully,
~~Will~~
Wills last blog post..Red Bottoms~Scene#3(Childhood Memories):
*slow clapping with the standing ovation*
Will my man, you head the nail on the head…what this entire situation has lacked was respect.
…I still love you Eathan…just hoping you’re taking all of this in for the next encounter.
@ Will Everyone has their opinions. The only respect I have ever needed or required is from honesty. I accept any and all comments that have been critical. I will continue to do so. It’s apart of who I am. My honesty is what has pushed me to publish since i began IDW. I’ve been in luv with honesty longer than I’ve been in luv with myself.
@kelli of course what I wrote is *my* opinion, who else would it belong to? And if any of *my* opinion came across as harsh, well that’s exactly the way I intended for it to be. Hello, the nick is “Moody Bitch” not “Mother Teresa”. Duh.
And of course I expect to be disagreed with – I’m bitchy and opinionated, but I’m not arrogant. Sorry if you can’t tell the difference….
@Teacia LOL I’m definitely a skeptic, and yes, I’ve absolutely done stupid things in the name of love, just like every other woman out there – which is exactly how I finally came to figure out that in many cases, we’re doing this shit to ourselves! I observe myself, I observe other women, I read all these blogs, and I start shaking my head asking WTF?!
(P.S. Loved the way you straight up told Eathan ‘you’re an idiot’ – I totally laughed out loud when I read that.)
@NML was just reading your site last night, lots of interesting stuff there – some of which is probably applicable to this very situation. Haven’t had a chance to read your entire commentary here yet, but I will after I get some work done today.
“Any woman who would ignore everything you?ve revealed about yourself on this site, and then get upset when you behave exactly like the person you?ve shown yourself to be, needs to bitch-slap *herself* back to reality, and FAST. ”
I totally agree with this statement.
The one thing that I can say about Eathan in this short time I’ve been reading this blog is that he is consistent in his thoughts and behaviours.
Oh Lawd!!! I didn’t know I had to go through all of this to find Eathan’s pretty smile….Whew…I’m TIRED!!! LMAO