Eathan, I’m a 36 yr old divorced white woman.  I’m newly divorced with 2 biracial kids.  I’ve just started to date and I noticed a that the white men that I’ve met run scared when they find out my kids are biracial.  Why is that?  Thanks Karen.

Karen, That is a great question.  There are several reasons why this happens.  It could be as simple as you are not a good match for them.  It could be they don’t feel you’re what they are looking for.  Maybe you’re looking for a serious relationship and they are not.  Maybe you are not their physical type.  I don’t know enough to say.

You mentioned something interesting.  So lets look at this a bit from a couple different angles.  Believe it or not there is still a large part of the population that doesn’t approve of interracial relationships.  The truth is, having friends of another race isn’t the same as dating outside of your race or knowing that your mate dated out of their race.  There are real differences between black men & white men mentally.  One of the big things is a old fashioned way of thinking, a sense of superiority.  Some in the white community still have a sense of superiority over black men.

They might acknowledge our athletic ability.  They might acknowledge our mental toughness.  But they don’t want to imagine their daughter/spouse in a interracial relationship with a black man.  There is a possibility that they don’t want to deal with the amount of peer pressure.  They don’t want to face their friends or family.  Let’s be honest.  Some are worried more about what others think, than what they think.  This same mentality will categorize you as being tainted, as not being clean or pure.  But that is just a sign of their prejudice.

The other possible reason is, they are insecure.  Everyone has heard the sexual myths of black men.  They’ve heard them in the movies, in school, and among friends. I laugh every time I hear them.  I’m not going to say they are all true or they are all false.  But they make me laugh to think that one ethnic group (black men) got all the sexual satisfaction genes.  With that being said, there are men that aren’t secure with their sexual performance.   They are not satisfied with their sexual size.  I know it sounds silly but its true.  They some how don’t feel that they will be able to satisfy you after your ex.  I’ve had friends who have made comments, ‘how can I fill those shoes?’ or ‘I bet he’s hung like a horse.’  One of my friends is notorious for eluding to the idea of every black man having a ‘Mississippi Python’.  The jokes can go on and on, but people actually believe that.  If they are secure in who they are, non of this would matter.  One thing you probably know about black men is, we don’t care if you’ve dated outside your race.  Why?  It’s a basic theory.  Black men see only two things.  Men & women.  We embrace manhood before we embrace our race.  We would rather be a man before anything else comes into play.  We don’t care if we’re tan, white, brown, dark, or tanned.  We just want to be a man.  Most white men don’t feel the same way.  Chris Rock joked about this topic once in his stand up comedy show.  But the fact is true.

These are some of the things that have made some men stay clear of you.  But there are men out there that don’t care.  There are as many men that don’t see color.  Keep your eyes and options open.

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