Question from reader
Why do so many black men that date white women go for such trashy white women? I have a friend who loves white women but is always trying to talk to these trashy ass women. why not go for women with class? if he talks to a black woman she is a classy woman, but if they talk to a white woman then she is trashy. Thanks QueenB
At one time this was a very popular question. I associate this idea back to a time when interracial dating wasn’t very popular or main stream. With that being said, I have a variety of thoughts on this subject.
Black men are described as confident. Many say we have a swagger. Some might even say cocky. This is true. But I know what I’m about to say will sound shocking to some of you. It might even confuse many of you. Why? Because this swagger is one of the things that attracts a lot of white women to black men. Are you ready? There are times when some black men are attracted to white women and they don’t have the confidence to approach them. Some us don’t want to deal with rejection. Some of us don’t want our ego to reduced to a pile of burning rubble. Some just give up with out trying at all. And as a man, we don’t want to hear the echo of, ‘thanks but no thanks’ in our head.
Let me give you an example of this. It’s a known fact that interracial dating isn’t for everyone. Let’s say your friend is out and noticed two attractive, classy women standing next to each other. One woman is white and the other one is black. The law of averages will tell him he has a better chance for sucess with the black woman. Why? He doesn’t have to wonder if she dates outside her race. He can just approach her as a man trying to talk to woman. He doesn’t have to wonder if she’s worried about what her parents, friends, and family think. All he has to worry about is making a fool of himself. He offers to buy her a drink or introduce himself and it’s all good. And if your friend is a good guy, aka taking care of his own, he has a great chance with the black woman.
Now let’s look at the other side of the coin. When a man approaches a woman he has to evaluate a couple things. Lets assume he doesn’t know if the white woman dates outside of her race. He is naturally going to think what he has to offer. Is he just trying to dance with her? Is he trying to take her home? Is he trying to date her? All of these things come into his game plan. If he just wants to dance, well he’s a brotha. haha Not all of us can dance, but there’s a good chance he can. So asking her to dance isn’t a big deal. It’s just a dance. If he’s trying to take her home or date her that takes a bit more confidence. No matter what color a man is, he doesn’t want to hear the word, NO. We hate to hear NO. So if he doesn’t have the confidence to face rejection, he will wait for a woman that he feels more comfortable approaching. Someone that is easier to sell himself to. That might be the woman that you consider trashy. So when you notice your friend with someone that you consider trashy, it could be a reflection of his very fragile ego at work.
The last thought I have on this subject is one I won’t give much attention to, because it doesn’t really need any explanation. He might be the type of guy who just wants a white woman to say that he “has one.” Yes there are people out there that think this way.
Take a look at your friend and his behavior, you’ll learn a lot.
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I’d like to know a little more about what the reader considers “trashy” vs. “classy”.
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Hmm…well I will say there have been moments in time where I have seen black men out and about wearing their fraternity letters and what not with a woman that looks like he picked her up out of the trashcan.
To a certain degree, I wonder what would make him want to walk around with a woman who is dirty and looks unkempt while he is walking around repping his frat or dressed to the nines.
jaclynns last blog post..Exactly Why You Should Wait….
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Or, the monikor of “trashy” could have to do with the fact that he picked ANY white woman over ANY black woman. There are just some black women who feel insulted or threatened because a black man would dare to pick a white woman over a black woman……period.
And who’s to say that her “classy” is even all that classy?
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Really . . . “black men that date white women go for trashy white women.” Where does this thinking come from? And does “trashy” mean poor or promiscuous? I’ve dated black men and white men – I have a graduate degree, a career as a respected professional, and own my home. My ex-husband is black - we lived in an affluent north Dallas suburb, we were both hard-working professionals, played tennis at the country club *watching Blake lose U.S. Open now*, and were good to our family and friends. Two of my black male friends were/are married to white women – one woman is an attorney, the other a physician. How insulting that because we are with black men we would be considered “trashy.” The prejudice that white women who date black men are “dating down” is just that – a prejudice not based on fact. The commonality these women and I have is that we’re tall, smart, and happen to be attracted to tall, smart black men. If you’re Heidi Klum or married to Tiger Woods you might escape the “trashy” stereotype, but for us non-celebrity white women the world makes unfair assumptions about our character.
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August 31st, 2008 at 12:13 am
I believe you read it wrong Dutch. She said.. the white women he talks to are trashy.. and the black women he talks to are classy. She didn’t classify all white women as trashy. Soooo…I’ll just ignore your comments since they were addressing a different issue.
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I hear you . . . but QueenB started with the generalization “Why do so many black men that date white women go for such trashy white women?” Getting tired of the rant - probably spent too much time reading the women on SBM - lol.
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August 31st, 2008 at 12:38 am
hmmm… Well like I said previously.. I associate that statement with a generalization that happened back in the 70’s. But in this day and age.. I see things are a bit different. Mainly because it is more mainstream in our culture and you begin to see people of all different levels of life dating.
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I agree . . . it just struck a nerve. Am also skimming a book “Black Men in Interracial Relationships: What’s Love Got to Do with It” - written by a black female social psychologist . . . so feeling a bit defensive. Regarding your response: you are right - we love the confidence and swagger - it’s the appeal of Lil’ Wayne!
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“if he talks to a black woman she is a classy woman, but if they talk to a white woman then she is trashy. ”
Maybe those words can have two meanings.
1. As some read it to mean, that he only talks to trashy white women, not classy ones and only talks to classy black women not the trashy ones
and
2. That all black women are classy and all white women are trashy.
I mean we all know people with the mentality of # 2. Any white woman who has been out in public more than once with her black man has gotten an evil look, a snub or down right rudeness from a black woman toward either her, her man or them both.
It may be a 70’s mentality but so is racism and sexism and we still have that in abundance. As long as you have ignorant bitter people you’ll have all three.
And let me tell you, it’s even worse if you’re a fat white woman with a tall good looking black man. You both can be dressed to the nines and some people still look at you as if you’re trash.
Insecurity is part of it, envy is part of it and bitterness is part of it, depending on the person.
I feel sorry for those people.
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Can’t speak to the mentality in the 70’s – wasn’t dating then – lol. And there are as many physical stereotypes and preferences as there are people – skin color (black, white, light, dark), body type (tall, short, fat, thick, healthy, model, track athlete), hair color (black, blonde, brunette, redhead), hair type (bald, short & natural, long & straight) – so you can’t physically stereotype the men and women who date interracially. All black men aren’t dating fat white chicks. (case in point - Eathan doesn’t) What I object to are the character stereotypes – which I think are still present. Is it possible for a white woman to enjoy sex, date black men, and not be considered trashy?
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“All black men aren’t dating fat white chicks. (case in point - Eathan doesn’t)”
True and all white chicks (fat or otherwise) aren’t dating tall, sexy black men, (case in point……..) but to some it doesn’t matter, it’s the principle.
“Is it possible for a white woman to enjoy sex, date black men, and not be considered trashy?”
Not for some people, for different reasons.
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Wow, so ummm yeah. My brother is black and he dates white chics but his choices are usually fat white chics or nasty ones. I don’t get it, he doesn’t approach the same kind of black chics. Oh and I’m NOT the author of the proposed question.
I don’t know, I think he does it as a power trip, who knows…he’s young. I’m against ANY man dating ANY race to demean them and their character. But I have to admit that it does make me think that maybe it’s a passing phase. He knows how I feel about interracial dating and that I’m not a fan of the white chics who attempt to “act black” to attract black men but he dates them and expects me to be open to the notion.
It just comes off as so ignorant, but then again that’s just my opinion. I think anytime you “act” a certain that’s not indicative to your culture, makes you look stupid and opens it up to you being disrespected somewhere along the way…and I generally don’t feel sorry for those folks, white black or green.
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August 31st, 2008 at 6:04 pm
I’ve watched brothas lower their standards depending on the race of their date. I personally don’t agree. I have a uniform standard.. doesn’t matter what their race is.
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August 31st, 2008 at 6:25 pm
And that’s how it should be, if you’re going to do the interracial thing, don’t hold back. That’s when it comes off as disrespectful to your own…again it’s just my opinion.
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Oh yeah and your readers are overreacting to the question…I think you answered it logically and fully.
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August 31st, 2008 at 6:02 pm
I agree.. there was some overreacting.
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Talked with a married black man (IR) about this topic - his thought - he sees a difference between white women who happen to marry a black man and white women who exclusively date black men. Interesting. Don’t mean to overreact, but it’s the character of white women in interracial relationships being put down, not black men or black women. Probably the reason I don’t mention the race of my ex to most people (read white men and black women) - not ashamed, just don’t want to deal with the ignorance.
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August 31st, 2008 at 8:22 pm
…ummm, then don’t date black men. For every choice you make in life there will consequences of those actions, good or bad.
If you can’t deal with the stigma attached to IR then stick to dating within your own race. It’s hard for all parties involved, directly and indirectly. This country is not in a place mentally and emotionally to openly embrace the idea as a whole.
Dude, you’re overreacting…if you don’t feel like your white trash then you shouldn’t take offense…and the black guy you spoke to feels like most people. It’s not the dating of others that’s a problem, it’s the exclusion of your own…and many I know are against that notion as well…but in the end, do you.
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August 31st, 2008 at 9:03 pm
@Teacia - not offended. As a woman who happened to marry a black man vs. exclusively dating black men, the generalization doesn’t apply to me. We were pretty healthy in dealing with the world. You said it all, “this country is not in a place mentally and emotionally to openly embrace the idea (of interracial relationships) as a whole” . . . how sad for us all. Just trying to move the world along.
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September 1st, 2008 at 1:25 am
“…how sad for us all. Just trying to move the world along.”
ummm yeah, not really…but good luck with that.
Well this certainly is interesting…..my feelings are this…I date brothas all over the economic spectrum…it depends on what I’m feelin at the time…I have a unique gift to be comfortable pretty much anywhere….I can have a five star dinner and immediately go to the lil hole in the wall juke joint and have a blast…Class is REALLY not determined by your pocketbook but your attitude….and the ability to relate to people from all walks of life: white, black, green, blue, or purple….If you have real class, you judge not, and accept people as they are and respect their decisions matters what they choose….there is million dolla trash and then there are diamonds in the gutta…which would you rather be???? Personally, I’d choose the diamond in the gutta…one day the right person will recognize it for what it is and pick it up…then it’s in it’s rightful place…
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