Polyamory

by Eathan

I’ve always used Match.com for online dating in the past and also Chemistry. But over the last few months I’ve checked out other dating sites.? My experiences have all been different.? I’ve written about several of the women that I’ve met through those sites.? I know that one complaint that my female friends have about online dating is the amount of married men that are on the sites.? I have to admit that online dating sites are a easy place to meet people if you’re in a relationship.? In regular IDW fashion, I’ve also explored the concept of interracial relationships.? The one thing I haven’t explored in the past is the sexual expectations of black men.

I decided to start by checking out Adult Friend Finder.? It’s not my first time being on AFF, but I must say it’s been one of the most interesting.? From past experience, I didn’t spend much time or effort to meet anyone.? I logged in a few times and surfed pictures.? This time I spent more time.? I was surprised by how many women are on the site.? Most of them have face pictures posted, which is different from 4-5 years ago.? It seems that AFF isn’t the place just for single horny people.? There are a lot of couples and married people also.

polyrings main thumb1 Polyamory

Which makes me talk about something I’ve run into lately.? I’ve met and chat/interviewed several married white women.? Seems shocking, but I’m always pushing the envelope to get the story.? The one thing that they have in common is they are in a Polyamory relationship.? What is Polyamory?? Polyamory is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.? I have to admit that if you’re single and a traditionalist, this will seem crazy.

Why would you be in a relationship if you’re going to be intimate with others?? That’s a great question.? I had to ask the same thing.? The women all said the same thing.? They didn’t feel that could be faithful to just one man.? They knew that eventually they would cheat.? Their sexual appetite drives them have more.? TW41 is a 41 year old white woman who is currently in a polyamory relationship.? She admits that she would’ve never got married to her white husband if he wanted a traditional relationship.? She has maintained her marriage, kids and a long term lover.? Her life seems to be a juggling act.? She spends 1 night a week with her black lover.? The rest of her time seems to be a typical life.? In some strange way, she way she enjoys the sexual variety in her life.

I guess this is her way of getting the sexual benefits of a black lover with out dealing with the potential negative social reactions.? There is no better time to say, “have your cake and eat it too.”

Why are polyamory relationships becoming more popluar?? Is it only cheating when your husband/mate doesn’t know?? I know that I’m not the type of guy to be in a poly-relationship, but would you?

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Tagged as: online dating, polyamory, sex

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 539 awesome articles.

  • i agree with miss polyamory. i don't think we're all biologically better off poly. in the same way i think that some people are gay and some are straight. but we certainly live in a society where it's not always ok to express ourselves. when society's rules loosen, more gay people claim that identity. it's the same with poly i think.

    i'm also interested in the idea of taboo around interracial relationships. i think people act in the ways they know how to. but that doesn't necessarily speak to the systemic racism. a society again that discourages interracial relationships generally, is gonna make the taboo of poly interracial relationships equally difficult. what holds us back are not so much individual prejudices (though those certainly exist as well), but the institutions, the rules, the historical landscape that combines prejudice with power to dictate from a the point of view of a small (not majority) number of people what is allowed and what isn't. being in an poly interracial relationship does not mean that i can speak as an expert on this matter, or that they are common, but it does mean that they happen, sometimes.

    and the thing with women being better at monogamy and men being better at poly. i think that understanding only works so far. women are often more unhappy in monogamy than they admit. and men are equally susceptible to being unhappy in the role of "the player." our gender roles certainly help steer us in these directions, but it is exactly those roles that not only make it easier to fall into female and male patterns, but also to become imprisoned by them if we aren't truly seeking better understandings of ourselves and our individual desires.

    poly is in the end about democracy for me. it doesn't mean that everyone is poly. it means that there are a lot of ways to be sexually and in terms of relationships, and that all of the possibilities are potentially good.
  • Hi, I think poly is becoming more popular mainly because people are more open now. It did exist before, but like a lot of things, since conditioning and rules are being questioned, and people want to be free from that, people are feeling more safe and free expressing themselves. So more poly people now.

    To me, it's all good, whether you are monoamorous, polyamorous, or anything in between. It's all about how you want to share love and being honest.

    Cheating is anytime, in any kind of relationship, when you break the rules you set up. When you are dishonest, keeping it from your lover(s).

    I am poly and in poly relationships.

    <abbr>Miss Polyamorys last blog post..It's your mind and spirit</abbr>
  • People are trying different things and they are doing it more openly than in the past. I don't judge... I just do my own thing. :D
  • Nephie
    Or Anorexic or Bulimic? Hell, I dunno?
    Maybe they like carrots??? Silly Wabbit!
  • You got a fetish for cartoon characters too? ;)
  • Nephie
    Perhaps this is why I'm still unmarried...I guess I haven't found ONE man that is everything I need...I several times in my life had more than one boyfriend at a time...and everyone knew what's up...IceT calls that a player...I say whatever...I've tried to maintain a monogamous relationship several times...but it was not I that compromised the relationship...I find now it's much easier to remain single and have friends and some with benefits...(just make sure the ones that have benefits can handle the Power of the Poon! LMAO)
  • Oh yeah.. You ARE a playa..lol

    Maybe the Poon was too powerful for them. What happens when it runs into the Wang-A-Dang?
  • Nephie
    LOL...maybe so...my last "monogamous" relationship he told me that I more than satisfied him in every way he could imagine...and he still cheated...So maybe it was too much for him...
    I often ask myself why do men "fuck down"? As opposed to "fuckin up"? I mean, if you're going to fuck around, fuck with something betta than what you have...not less... Look at it this way, If I eat prime rib and Fillet Mignon at home every night, I'm NOT going to go OUT to eat a bologna sandwich!
    I dunno....but when the Poon meets the Wang-A-Dang...hmmmmmm....it's at the very least, UNFORGETTABLE...perhaps they would be incompatible, because they would never accomplish anything but fulfilling their hedonistic pleasures!...OR maybe both need to quit their day jobs and become porn stars!
  • Maybe the problem is they don't like Filet or Prime Rib. ;)

    Do you think they might be Vegans?
  • Eathan,

    Let me know if you want me to put you in touch with Jenny... no, it's not what you're thinking!

    We're with the same publisher, so we're online friends. I'm sure she could add her 2 cents.

    Right now, I'm reading Joe Quirk's book: "It's Not You, It's Biology."
    www.joequirk.com

    It tackles exactly these issues -- about men, women and sex.

    Personally, I'm only after monogamy...

    <abbr>Single Mom Seekings last blog post..When an ex finds your blog</abbr>
  • That would be awesome! I thank you in advance. I knew there was something besides your beautiful smile that I liked about you ;)
  • I'm a proponent of polyamorous relationships, although I have yet to practice it. If anyone is interested, I highly recommend this amazing article by Jenny Block: http://www.tangomag.com/2006130/portrait-of-an-open-marriage-2.html

    One of the best relationship articles on the net, bar none.

    IMO, monogamy is against our natures, and I think it's very possible, even EASY, to maintain 2 or even 3 loving relationships. If you can love more than one family member or more than one child, you can love more than one life partner. It's simply socially taboo in the US to practice this, although it's becoming less and less so.

    <abbr>Lances last blog post..This Blog Post Is Fairly Traded</abbr>
  • Yeah.. i'm checking out her site and blog.
  • Jessica
    I personally could never be in a relationship like that. In my opinion part of a committed relationship is faithfulness, so if i was married or just in a serious committed relationship i would never sleep with another person.
  • Do you think you feel that way because of your up bringing? Or do you think it's something else?
  • It is probably due to my bringing up in part, but not the way you think. I watched my parents have a open relationship and in the end it failed miserably.
    I also am not one to share, call me selfish, mut MY man is MY man.. i dont want some other girl getting his goods when i should be the only one getting what he has to offer.
    I personally believe if you are with the right person you wont have the need to reach outside of your relationship for satisfaction.

    <abbr>Jessicas last blog post..I give up</abbr>
  • It's an interesting concept and I often wonder if couples are able to make it work long term. I've always thought the concept of monogamy was against our nature, but you mix in the societal expectations and you've got one big old mess in the head. Interesting on your experiences with AFF too. I'd like to hear more.

    <abbr>Singlegals last blog post..All My Children</abbr>
  • Singlegal.. AFF has changed from what it was years ago. The jury is still out on what I think. Click on the link in the post and check it out. You might have a itch that needs scratching. ;)
  • Tiff
    You know, Singlegal, I've always felt the same way. If monogamy were natural, people (including myself) wouldn't struggle with it so. I do think that women are better at it than men are, or else our consequences are just higher for not conforming. Look at nature. Are we so highly evolved that we can consistently and successfully go against what is our nature? Other animal species don't even attempt.
  • Oh.. so men are better at Polyamory... ok that makes sense. ;)
  • You think women are better at Polyamory than men? How is that? It seems like history confirms that men have more experience at it..
  • Tiff
    No, I think that women are better at monogamy!
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