When Sex Is Bad

by Eathan

It’s hasn’t been 2 months and Mormon Girl is already discussing another trip.? I’ve been avoiding the idea of seeing her again because of our last experience.? To be honest, the sex was really bad.? I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve had bad sex and she’s on that list.? I know Mormon Girl would love to move to Texas, get settled and have a long term relationship with me.? That’s not a good idea when the sex is so bad.? The bigger issue is it seems like she’s sprung, twisted, or dickmotized.? I think I put the Wang-A-Dang on her.? Since she has gone back to SLC, she sends me text messages and emails on a regular basis.? I have to admit that I can’t keep up and I ignore most of them.

The shocking thing was she sent me a birthday present 2 weeks ago.? During her last visit, she noticed which fragrances I have.? Of all my fragrances I have 2, guaranteed to make your thong moist fragrances, aka liquid sex.? She spent almost 15 minutes comparing the two.? So when I received a package from SLC a couple days after my birthday, I knew it was her gift.? It was the normal gift set.? It had the after shave lotion and body spray.? That means I felt obligated to call her and say thanks.? It was during this conversation that she mentioned that she was ready to schedule another trip.? She wants to visit during the Christmas – New Years holiday.? I didn’t commit.? I just mentioned I had to check my schedule.

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So here’s my dilemma.? How do I tell her that the sex is bad?? I’m trying to be polite and a gentleman.? The last thing I want to do is be an ASS.? Maybe I should call her late one night and mention that her sexual skills aren’t up to my standards.? I’ve never experienced anything like this before.? In the past when I had a bad sexual experience, I’d never called them.? It was simple.? They realized that we weren’t sexual equals.? Mormon Girl doesn’t realize that at all.? Some how she thinks that everything is great.? I’m not sure I have the heart to tell her.? Some how I have to find a way to clue her in.? I’ve thought about buying her a couple instructional books and videos.? The problem with that idea is, she will want to try them out with me.? That leaves me back at square one.? I don’t want to train a semi-virgin.? That’s not my idea of a sexual equal.

Have you had sex so bad, that you didn’t want it again?? If so, how did you tell your lover that it was awful?? Did it end nicely or did they attempt to improve?

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Tagged as: bad sex, dating, mormon girl

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 539 awesome articles.

  • Shit. Well it'd depend on how hooked on you she is. Sounds like she's pretty obsessed so you may want to try to get together with her again and see how willing she is to be taught. If I don't like how a guy performs but I like the guy (past life, pre-hubby) I simply say, "I'm very particular sexually. Do what I want." I'm pretty sure if you say the first sentence and phrase the rest more tactfully than I do, she'll be cool and you may end up having great sex. Not to generalize, but I'd assume a mormon would be pretty shitty in bed (sorry, mormons).

    <abbr>Julie@Cool Mom Guides last blog post..He Says?</abbr>
  • I need to make a dirty shank card to cover this topic!
    IMO - just tell her you don't feel compatiable sexually, give her a gift card to an adult toy store - cut your losses.

    <abbr>jailbirds last blog post..Dirty Shank #146 Reverse</abbr>
  • I would hint at it and let her decode. Women are good at that. Something as simple as "I'm not attracted to you," or "I don't think we're physically compatible" would probably do it. If she presses the issue, you'll have to be brutally honest, which isn't a bad thing. If she's bad in bed, she needs to fix that. That's not your job, but she does need the reality check.

    <abbr>Lances last blog post..Help! I?m Getting Laid Too Much!</abbr>
  • Dawn
    The B.V card only counts for so long and I would think your time is up, now just smile,
    that's how I would look at it.
  • Dawn
    So since its not the sex, why do you take her calls and worry about this so much? how about not take her calls and move on with life.
  • I don't answer her phone calls... but I get the text and instant messages. You know how you women can be... a message when you are thinking about me. A text to say, hope you're having a great day.. Blah..Blah...Blah.

    I'm sure you've been there before :)
  • Dawn
    afew times, maybe I have a coldness or just the taurus in me. I tend to have a line that I don't cross and they better not cross. I have been told before that I can say anything as long as I smile.
  • Same here.. The biggest issue I have is, since I took her B.V. Card, there is some responsibility. I have to make sure that the next black man doesn't have a uphill battle because of me being a jack ass.

    That's just my theory.
  • Chris
    I feel your pain. I've been there with ladies wanting to visit and "rock my world" only to wish I had the sports page for something to do while she was trying. There have been several ladies who DID live up to their own billing and that was fun.

    I also agree with the "no time to teach virgins" sentiment. Not fun, unless they come to you with an "I want to try list" that goes like this - missionary, reverse cowgirl, trapeze, in the shower, anal, the dinning room table, with my roommate... you get the idea. That kind of lady is fun to teach, she wants to try, just hasn't had someone she trusts to let loose with.
  • soulbone0521
    Well, my brother sounds like a sticky situation that you're in. I had an experience like that before and I just told the girl straight up that I didn't want do those things with her anymore and that we should just be cool. Well it turns out that she was cool with it, and now she is one of ace-boon friends. Or if you have the patience you can teach her and mold her to your likings, and you never know she could turn out to be "Dynomite"...
  • Hey! I just discovered your blog from Single Mom Seeking's blog.

    The last time I had really bad sex (the guy kissed like a vacuum cleaner) and...he didn't want to use a condom! In my book that is the kiss of death. I just didn't say anything and let it go. I'm not sure that there's a nice way to say it so I just went by the old rule of "if you can't say anything nice..."

    Maybe you can just tell her that the relationship isn't working for you... if she asks you why, you can say that the chemistry isn't there, and it's not lying. It's honest up front, and not mean.

    Good luck!

    <abbr>Leahs last blog post..Unconditionality</abbr>
  • Honestly I don't see why it's such a hard decision. Just tell her that she's a nice person but that you really don't see your relationship going any further. Then wish her the best and that's the end of that.

    There really is no reason to tell her she is bad in bed or to hurt her feelings.

    She might hook up with another man who IS willing to teach her or who is just as bad in bed, won't know the difference and they will be happy with each other.
  • Teacia
    How in the HELL did I miss the dickmotized post...and you know I'm mad I can't comment on it so I'll do it here.

    WOW, just WOW Eathan...she had you like that. And I can't believe you talked to her and asked if she loved you...update on that situation please.

    Ok now to Mormon girl, I'm like you...the calls normally dry up...if they push the subject then I let it be known otherwise I just keep it moving and let the situation fade to black.
  • Yes, you can comment on her as much as you want. She didn't have me...I had her..lol
  • Teacia
    btw, i'm supposed to be writing my midterm paper...so far i haven't even started...lol.
  • If you write on a Mormon Girl and dickmotized.. you'll get a "A"! haha
  • Sweeeet
    I'm torn...lie or tell the truth. I hate lying but I dunno if you can let her down gently. She's been sheltered, she's spreading her wings and flapped over to you. Too bad it was a flop. If you're going to tell the truth, do it gently...you don't want to scar her for life but like you said you also don't want to be the teacher. Her feelings are going to be hurt regardless, no one wants to hear sex with them was lousy no matter how nicely you say it. I tried to be lousy once, it didn't work dammit! If you lie, make it a good one so she knows there's no chance in hell she will see you again.

    You're in quite the pickle but at least you smell good! LOL
  • haha..I always have to smell good. :D

    You nailed it on the head! I'm torn. I'm sure she will still want to be my friend if I lie to her. I don't mind being friends... but eventually she will want to get some McLovin. ;)
  • I have had a similiar situation.
    About 3 months ago at a housewarming party for my friend she introduced me to her cousin. He was decent looking and seemed nice, after talkin for a little bit we ended up hooking up and the sex was HORRIBLE!! I tried to dodge his calls and texts at first but then he started calling from different numbers. I became increasingly frusterated and i guess he did too becuase he called and complained to my friend. She called me and asked why i wasnt talking to her cousin. I told her straight up that he sucked in bed, she began to laugh and told me to just be honest with him. So the next time he called i answered and i explained that sexual chemistry is something that was important to me and the lack of chemistry (read none) that we had was why i didnt want to see him any more.
    Im sure this wounded his ego. But maybe it will motivate him to get better.
    I say be honest with the girl, tell her she is a lousy in bed.

    <abbr>Jessicas last blog post..I give up</abbr>
  • Jennifer
    That's what my stalker guy does. Calls from all kinds of different numbers.
  • Nephie
    OMG E!!! You are in a situation...wow...I guess it's good that you aren't me...because I have way less tact...I will absolutely ROAST a man that isn't good...it's been awhile since I've run into a man that couldn't satisfy...but when I do, they are shown no mercy...They know exactly why they are not allowed to dial my number any more...maybe it's just me but I feel that there's no excuse...If I was Dr. Ruth or Dr. SueJo (and making their kind of money)...maybe I would feel like hosting How to Make a Woman O 101...but that's not the case...and there's no sense in letting him run around thinking that just because he has a dyck and can swang it, that he can actually USE IT!!! I'm trying to save all the other unsuspecting women out there...and Yes, women do talk...But that's just me...I say tell her straight up...and if you want to help her learn, then she may love you for it...I remember my first and I were talking...he said "there are some people who are BORN knowing how to please and be pleased...others have to work at it"...perhaps she has to work at it...regardless of what you decide...if you tell her exactly what's up she will step her game up with the next partner...because after all, we all learned alot of things by trial and error...
  • You hosting a show? lol Can I co-host? ;)
  • Nephie
    What would we call it!?!?!? That would be funny! Maybe we should pitch it to a producer?
  • Celeste
    Ok, we HAVE to know... what fragrances do you wear that are "liquid sex"??

    And a lie to save someone's feelings.. is not that bad. Would telling her the truth help her? Would it change things for her in a positive way? I doubt it. And it will also save BOTH of you from having to deal with what will surely come next: her moving to TX, thinking she's GOT you.
  • LOL.. My fragrances are top secret. j/k I am writing about fragrances soon. Stay tuned to find out which ones are on the top of my list. They are guaranteed to make my Plutonic friends to get excited.. and they don't date black men. haha So they are good ones. Stay Tuned.

    Well she's far from 'having me'. So do you think I should lie or tell the truth?
  • I cant reply for some reason!!

    Anyway maybe you need to let us know how to REMOVE the magic poon once we have put it on someone???

    Singlegal is right though - sometimes lying is ok!!!!!

    And she may meet someone who she has phenomenal sex with so no point giving the poor girl a complex about it!
  • Jennifer
    Lol I must of put the magic poon on someone or maybe it was the magic mouth. I have had a guy that won't leave me alone. The sex was horrible and he thought it was great. I tried the whole I met someone else and I think we are more compatible thing and he just won't give up. It's horrible I can't just tell him that his thing does nothing for me I'm too nice.
  • you have my permission to LIE LIE LIE your ass off! Or, just really gloss it over with the whole "I didn't really feel like we had a connection". I mean - that's not a lie! If all else fails, make up a fake girlfriend. Sorry! This is the most help I can be this early in the morning. PS - I really like your blog.

    <abbr>singlegals last blog post..Sigh.</abbr>
  • I'm glad you like my blog. So I should LIE?? Is this the one time when a lie is OK? It's odd.. right now I feel obligated to say something. I'm just not sure what.
  • I had bad sex once - he clearly didnt think it was bad cos proceeded to stalk me for a few months. Texting and calling me at all hours of the night begging me for a blow job or a quickie!

    I considered changing my number and moving! But after about 4 months of switching my phone off after 20h00 he seemed to get the message but now if I bump into him (he works at the place that services my car) the texts start all over again for a few days!

    You going to have to tell her though!

    Maybe dont mention the sex? Maybe just say you dont think it will work out between you guys? Find a cliche man - like "its not you its me" type thing?

    I could never be with someone who I had bad sex with but I wouldnt actually want to hear from someone that sex with me is crap! Fortunately I have only received very positive feedback thus far ;-p
  • wow.. a SEX STALKER.. That's not good. Maybe you put the Magic Poon on him. lol

    I think after 3-4 weeks of stalking, I would change my number.
    Right now I'm just not trying to be the NON-Morman Dick, if ya know what I mean.
  • Tiff
    OMG at the phone calls begging for a blow job, Laura....LMAO! I had a bad sex experience recently. The next day when he asked me if I had enjoyed it,I was just very honest in a nice way. "Not very much....we're not sexually compatible, wouldn't you agree?". But he and I were in it for the sex, so that was easier.

    HOWEVER, with someone like Mormon Girl, as you say, she's going to be clueless. If you start talking about sexual incompatibility, she's going to think it's something that can be fixed, and I get the impression that you're done. Clean break, Eathan! I agree with Laura. Find a nice but firm way to let her down. If she's talking about moving here for YOU, you've got to take swift action.

    "I don't know how to tell you this but I've met someone really special and I'm going to date her exclusively." Ok, so not totally honest, but it will give you the solid break you need and it's one of those little white lies that is kind.
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