Something New – From Teacia

by Eathan

This Guest post by Teacia - Ahhh, what a clich??what exactly makes something ?new??I mean really. It?s not like men come in pretty packaging with a big red ribbon wrapped tightly around them. Yet the prospect of venturing out into something new paints a picture of just that. A new life, wrapped all nicely and custom designed just for me. Now previously that design would have included a tall, dark, chocolate man?but lately I?ve been feeling a bit like I?m in need of a diet?after all, all I have to show for the 29 years of indulging in mass quantities of chocolate is the painful remanence of a root canal here and there and a mouthful of rotten teeth.

So, now I?m perplexed, what?s a girl to do?!?! I mean I am the same girl who proclaimed my love, affection and devotion towards black men?talk about irony. They are my foundation remember?well someone has been slipping me some cheap concrete b/c my house is feeling a little shaky these days. I have gone through several trying situations in my life and sadly my brothers have not been there for me. I see my sister, I see my cousin and I see the love and support they receive from their mates?and it gets me to thinking, maybe I?m missing out on something real.

42 19754842 Something New From Teacia

I?ve had a very long day today, a very emotionally trying day and although this isn?t a phenom in my life, something about the absence of love today just felt different. We see it all the time, the clich?s, white men running to rescue their woman from whatever is troubling them, a man who may not carry the internal strength that most black men inherit, but they seem to embody the type of external support that I so desperately need in my life right now. I?m tired of being strong. I want to just let it all go, but this is not something that black women are allowed to do in our households. I no longer want to be bound by those expectations. I want to be able to look my man in the eye, not have to utter a single word, and for him to know my heart?I need that connection. I need that reality.

Now this isn?t to say that I can?t find all of this in a black man, but maybe I am selling myself short thinking they are the only option. Reality does not conform to the ideal, but confirms it. Besides, I can no longer deal with the selfishness that they all seem to embody, the sense of entitlement to my devotion that they know is definite, and the emptiness that I?m left with when I realize that I?m sent into battle without any armor?I am in desperate need of something new?and a good dentist.

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Tagged as: black men, black women, dating, interracial relationships

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 539 awesome articles.

  • Cilla
    Nicki,

    I had to laugh when I saw your comment. The lack of affection and inability to show emotion was what drove me AWAY from white men and got me dating black men (I am white). I think in different parts of the country men, in general, are more or less reserved. I live in the midwest, and everyone here is more uptight and closed (largely people of Scandinavian and Germanic descent, but black men are more reserved here, too). People may seem friendly when you first meet them, but ask them anything remotely personal and you'd think from their reactions that you were suggesting a cavity search. Places like Miami, LA, etc. seem more open to me--I guess it's the international makeup of those cities--more Latin culture--and the southern climates that make living a little less stressful. Texas seems like it's somewhere in between. Oh, well, just goes to show the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
  • Teacia, it's good to have options. I don't believe in the stereotypes though because my white friends have some stories to tell about their men that will have you shaking your head. One of my writing friends (whose Black) will be the first one to tell you, that the myth about White men isn't necessarily true. Her now ex-White husband is living proof. I don't think either race has a monolopy on whose the best when it comes to relationships. There are good and bad in both. It's about meeting the right one for you--no matter what color.

    <abbr>Shelias last blog post..No Monday Blues - Favorite Scene from Cosby Show</abbr>
  • Teacia
    Well said indeed.
  • Well said Shelia.. I knew there was a reason why I liked your thoughts. ;)
  • Nephie
    There is another option...find a brotha that hangs out with mostly white people and he has an entirely different viewpoint...
    Previously, I only dated WGV (that would be the opposite of Eathan's Brotha Virgin)... I wouldn't date a brotha that exclusively dated white gurls...but here lately, I've run into several, and as I get to know them, I wouldn't be opposed to dating any of them...the one thing that I noticed in each of them, is that they all will let their guard down enough to show a bit of vulnerability and they are more in-tune with my "real" feelings...and they all genuinely care about me and my family...as opposed to having a greater motive....

    It's definately something to check out...and at the best you get the best of both worlds!
  • A WGV??? haha gotcha ;)
  • "well someone has been slipping me some cheap concrete b/c my house is feeling a little shaky these days."

    You can say that again. I've never dated a white man and although I can't say I would 100%, I'm leaning a little closer to it.

    Maybe I watch too much television, but white men seem to be more affectionate, like you don't have to break through a stone faced exterior. They seem more open to try different things.

    There's this white man who passes me every morning through the sky way... we always smile and say good morning, I can tell he's smitten.. But I think that's what uintrigues me the most about him, he smiles and is polite, but never "Hey gurl, where yo man at?"

    <abbr>Nicki Sunshines last blog post..Single Sisters On: Open Relationships</abbr>
  • "So your ex has a Big Watermelon head or is he writing tv shows?"

    LOL! Shut up! My mama says all my exes have big heads.. so I obviously don't know what a big head is.

    <abbr>Nicki Sunshines last blog post..Single Sisters On: Open Relationships</abbr>
  • So if the white guy approached you.. would you go out with him?

    What makes you attracted to him? is it because he smiles at you or is there something more about him that says..I wanna check you out.
  • Hmm... I asked myself the same thing one day. I really don't know Eathan. On one hand I would, because I haven't had a date in FORever, but on the other hand, I think I may be intimidated. He looks corporate... He has a different air. Mind you, I dress up for the job too but he seems like he wants to go to expensive restaurants (there I go judging a book).

    I look like I'd enjoy that, but seriously, that scares me to death. Take me to Cheddars. LOL. I don't eat appetizers, and a soup and a salad on top of a meal? Do you know what I'm saying?

    I think what intrigues me is his eye contact and the fact that he is polite and hasn't ever asked me out. It's the mystery....

    What was that movie, where the guy and a girl got on the bus together and they had this weird sex thing, where he touched her "woman parts" b/c the bus was so crowded and they did that everyday and it was ruined once he spoke to her??? Gosh, I can't think of it but that's kind of what it is.

    <abbr>Nicki Sunshines last blog post..Single Sisters On: Open Relationships</abbr>
  • So your ex has a Big Watermelon head or is he writing tv shows?
  • "you might be the 1st black woman who smiled back at him too."

    You are right...

    Now if he looked and sang like Robin Thicke, with an NFLer's body??? No negotiations/ no contemplation.

    J/K

    "If they treat you well.. and make ya happy.. then they are happy. So there was no stress. "

    That's really good... I could def see my brothers making fun of me... then again they make fun of everything.. still call my ex Tyler Perry.

    <abbr>Nicki Sunshines last blog post..Single Sisters On: Open Relationships</abbr>
  • The mystery usually creates a lot more fun. Plus it can be a bonding point too. Ya never know..you might be the 1st black woman who smiled back at him too. ;)

    There is/was no back lash from my family. They want everyone to be happy. If they treat you well.. and make ya happy.. then they are happy. So there was no stress.

    Idiots come in a rainbow of colors..lol
  • "So are you saying you want him to touch your ?woman parts? every time he walks by and says hi?"

    LOL. No, I don't want him touching me "down there!" I was talking about a movie. He's mysterious which is why he even gets a second thought.

    I love Cheddars, it's my favorite restaurant... LOL

    Hmmmm.... but would I go out with him? I really don't know.

    With dating outside your own race comes a lot of side eyes... back lash from family (don't know if that will happen, but there is always possibility with black families), which causes extra stress...

    What made you get over that?

    <abbr>Nicki Sunshines last blog post..Single Sisters On: Open Relationships</abbr>
  • Lots of corporate people eat at Cheddar's. Hell, that's a great place to have drinks out here... I see alot of them there.

    So are you saying you want him to touch your 'woman parts' every time he walks by and says hi? Or you just day dream of him doing it? lol
  • Teacia
    LOL...yeah I'm mixed with emotions about this topic. I still feel some kind of way about IR, but it's different than it was before. I guess one can call this growth...part of which I owe it to knowing you. Do you I still nod my head in disapproval when I see a fine specimen of a black man with a white chic, absolutely. Do my friends and I still ask "do you date white women?" as a prequalifying question...we most certainly do. But I care a lot less about the whole now than I did before.

    And like I said I know white men can be selfish and whatnot as well, but the great thing about them is that they don't come with the social stigma attached that "caring is for punks"...I don't know who coined the word "simp" but they did the black community a real disservice when they did.

    I went to a Jaguars game this weekend filled with white men, don't even know where to begin with them...I still ended up exchanging numbers with several black men there and not one white man...who knows, I'll just take it as it comes.
  • T
    White men feel intimidated by black men. I think it's the whole size thing/better lover thing. So some white men may be slow to approach a black woman for fear of rejection. Or comparison. Or whatever. You would approach them the same as you would a black man. Eye contact. Smile. Etc... It may take a minute for him to realize that you're interested. Expect a mild look of surprise! They just don't expect a black woman to look their way.
  • Teacia
    Now that little piece of info was a gem...I'm going to try out it while tail-gating at the Florida Georgia game this weekend...it will be ridunkulous out there, lol.
  • Hey.. if there's gonna be some changing going on...I should get in on it. ;) haha
  • Teacia
    Eathan you know good and well that the last place you need to be is around me and all of my sexy friends...you may never look at another white girl the same after that, lol.
  • Damn... I might need to fly down and watch this. I'd have to take notes for my writing...lol
  • I have to admit.. you've made me grow some too. I've entertained the idea of expanding my 'concept' a lot more. One thing I've noticed is once you put put yourself out there... they will respond to ya. I'm sure in some way, like me, you still have a body language that says you're not totally down with it yet.

    Honestly.. I agree with ya on the 'caring is for punks'. That was one thing that I've attempted to change with my kids. They changed my thinking. I had to show them that you can be a real man with.. show emotions, with out being considered a punk. I think it's cool to have a compassionate side to add to the strong man side.

    I'm sure the black men were looking at the ba-donk-a-donk... hypnotized them. ;)
  • Teacia
    Or it could have been my smile Eathan...dayum!
  • lol Be honest... you turned around and smiled when you caught them looking. :D
  • Of course, I was surprised when I read this considering your previous stance on IR relationships.. but I totally understand your frustration. I've always said that when people make a major change later in life it's because of something has told them to look outside the box. Keep your options open..and go with ya heart. ;)
  • T
    Teacia, white men can be selfish, too. But I'll admit (as someone who has dated both, that white men do seem to generally be better versed on matters of the heart. They are less inclined to take devotion for granted, in my experience. I have a couple of black women friends who date white men and have found fulfillment. Why not just go for it and give it a try?
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