How Things Change

by Eathan

Everyone once in a while I have to thank some of the white men that piss off white women.? They meet a beautiful woman in college, get married and have kids.? Some time during their marriage things change.? They don’t go out to listen to their favorite band, concerts or even dancing.? They complain about the women not being the perfect size 4.? They leave her sexually frustrated.? They spend all their time working.? Then she finds out he is cheating on them with a girl from work.? And then one day the women wake up and say enough is enough.? The are mad and want a divorce.? When they begin to date again, they realize they are 30ish,? a size 8/10 and the other white men think they are fat.? I hear this story all the time.? It’s the typical story of the divorcee.? This is the reason I have to thank some of these men.? They are changing my dating pool.

I normally date women in their 30′s.? They were very traditional 10 years ago.? Now, they are looking for something different and fun.? They want to go out to dinner, the movies, dancing and concerts.? They want to rediscover them self.? That’s usually when they realize that things have changed from the 1990′s.? It’s that change that opens their eyes to new experiences.? The first night out with their girl friends they begin to notice men.? That’s when they realize their choices are much different.

42 16968511 How Things Change

I’ve noticed so many divorced white women that have developed relationships with men that they would’ve never dreamed of 10 years ago.? They pursue the exact opposite of their ex-husband.? The interesting thing is, they are still pursuing the same thing every other woman is pursuing.? Love and Affection.? No matter what the women say, they want love and affection.? It’s just natural for them to have that desire.

If they don’t find love within their own race, they will look else where.? I recently had a discussion with a 36 year old woman who has thought about dating interracial.? She knows that her family would be challenged to accept the relationship.? But she did mention something very interesting, “I would go to bat.. if he was worth it.”? She also says, “I don’t want to settle for a white man that doesn’t treat me well and give me the love and attention I desire.”? That sums it up for a lot of B.V.’s.? For a lot of women, expanding outside of their race gives the another option.

So once again, I have to thank some of the white men that piss off white women.? They have made my social life easier.

There comes a time in a person’s life when they are open to try different dating options and you don’t care what your family or friends think.? It’s all about your own happiness.? Did your dating options change after a failed marriage/relationship?? Does your family values affect your dating choices?

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Tagged as: dating, divorce, love, relationships

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 539 awesome articles.

  • Steven
    Your welcome, Eathan. And I would like to add a thanks to all the black men that have pissed off black women as well. Yes, I have been on the receiving end of it coming back the other way. (like they say the grass is always greener on the other side).
    It has a while back, but in the late 80's I met a very sexy black woman at my office. She had just gotten divorced earlier in the year and had been a few dates, all with black men and was ready for a change. I heard a lot of the same complaints that you and Cilla have noted above. Him not wanting to go dancing, not going downtown, etc.. Will she told me in one of our first dates that she was done with dating black men for the same reasons and wanted to try dating white men. So I got to be her WV. The sex was incredible, we connected on a lot of levels since she enjoyed a lot of the same activities as I did. But two major issues to me that I was not ready for at that time in my live were, 1.) that she had two young sons (elementary age) and I was not ready to be an instance father, though the boys were great. An second, she was about 7 yrs older then me (she was 34 and I was 27). But, she had a great body, caramel(mmmmm) complexion, size 2, petite 5'2", long shoulder length hair, and as I said earlier the sex was great for both of us. She had stated to me the nomal female complain about both her ex and the black men she had date. That they only wanted to get off themselves. So when I came along she because as you have stated in your past blogs "dickmotized" by my white tool and a new term "tonguemotized", which she had never experienced in her life. An I have a story around her first time that I will always remember fondly.
    But like all woman after about 9 months it was the (shit or get off the pot) I could not commit at the time (still took me 6 yrs and several relationships later) she decided to move back to DC. She said it would be easier to find white men that would be open to dating a black female since after our relationship she did not want to go back to dating black men. I kept in touch for a year or so and last I heard she was happy and in a dating relationship with a white guy that was divorced and had kids close in age to her kids.
    Since then I dated a few more females of color, but I also dated white and Hispanic females as well. So I think a lot of it is like I stated earlier, the grass (or should I say guy) is alway (better) on the other side or so everyone thinks. Everyone has to find out for themselves what they like and who treats them the best no matter what color.
  • Of course my dating options changed! And I frigin expected them too!!!!

    Since I married a black man its a bit hard for me to diss white men ;-p

    But I did and still do choose men that are totally different to my ex! They are all older, highly intelligent and secure! He was none of those things!

    My family values do play a bigger role now than what they did when I got married! There are more role players in our daily life now!

    <abbr>Lauras last blog post..First Kiss</abbr>
  • I think they always change.. especially as you get wiser. I always think that when you're looking for different results, that you can find them by changing some past habits.
  • Cilla
    I can't stop thinking about this one. Here's what I don't like about white guys:

    A white guy never calls me "baby."

    A white guy never grabs me in the living room and spontaneously starts dancing when a good song comes on.

    A white guy never puts his arms around me and kisses the back of my neck in public. (Typical response if I try to do it to him: "Hey, cut that out! Someone might see us!" Um, yeah, that's why they call it a PUBLIC display of affection.)

    A white guy never wears cologne that makes me wet just smelling it at the perfume counter at Macy's.

    A white guy never sports any clothing that is so stylish I tell him "Sleep with one eye open," because I covet it.

    A white guy never encourages me to send him naughty little text messages to stay connected throughout the day. ("Hey, I'm trying to work here--I can't have these interruptions.")

    A white guy never looks at my ass and says "Dayum." (More like: "Should you really be eating carbs?")

    A white guy never cares if I climax, as long as he does.

    A white guy never finds going downtown anything more than a distasteful chore he must perform once in a while to ensure the occasional BJ, and his sense of geography is never all that great.

    A white guy never considers spending the weekend in bed. ("I have to get the car washed, then mow the lawn, then I have to check my 401K, and don't you have get to the grocery store?")

    A white guy NEVER dickmotizes me.

    I could go on...

    I've heard there are white men who could disabuse me of these ideas, but if you find one, please put him in a glass specimen jar and send him to the Smithsonian for me. I've seen sites like "Ask Men" that seem to cross color lines, but I secretly think all the good advice is written by brothas.
  • Wow...I guess I hit a nerve. You came back again. I guess you feel very strongly about it. I guess once you figured out what brown can do for you... you loved it. ;)

    oh yeah... Brothas do write good advice too ;)
  • Cilla
    Oh. My. God. This couldn't have summed up my married life and post-divorce experience better if I had written it myself.

    I got tired of white men who were as angry, uptight, and selfish as my ex. They all wanted younger,ropey, WASPy, uptight women. Then they were frustrated that they still weren't getting the kind of physical relationship they secretly wanted, but never figured out it was because they were dating women who were just like them. I have a theory that this has driven the porn industry: fantasy sex vs. reality sex for men who can't figure out how to bridge that gap. I don't know if it's because they are too repressed to ask for what they want, or if it hasn't bubbled up to their consciousness yet? (All your black female posters who are having trouble catching the eye of white men: this may be one reason why.)

    The white men I know just can't seem to grasp how to break out of the soccer mom mold--even the younger women they date seem to be junior, thinner, cheerleader versions of their ex-wives. It seems to be engraved in their lifestyle, a ride they don't know how to exit. Culturally, few have the comfort with their physicality or sense of style that black men do. (Forget the Interracial Pickup Artist--you need to do a "Queer Eye" type intervention show for men who wear nothing but Dockers and XL golf shirts!)

    I was approached by a black man on a dating website, had a long-term relationship with him, and haven't dated white since. All the men I have dated seriously have mentioned that they sensed a need in me to break out of myself, in and out of the bedroom, and relished taking that on.

    I now lead a pretty bohemian lifestyle compared to my neighbors. I have seen my friends' husbands looking at me and flirting with me, and I get the sense that they'd like their wives to be more adventurous but don't know how to start. (Hell, some of them just want sex, any sex, period, but they don't know how to seduce their own wives any more.) I think this is where they turn to affairs, but it just perpetuates that divorce cycle that got me where I am.

    Every time I contemplate dating a white man, I think about this exact topic and go back to black. Sorry for the long post--this just REALLY resonated with me--thanks, Eathan! Oh, and my family doesn't really care who I date, but I wouldn't let their opinion sway me one way or another.
  • "Queer Eye" type of intervention? haha. I'm not sure that's possible for a straight guy.
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