My Kids Come First

by Eathan

As a divorced parent, I realize that dating can create some challenges.? Usually it’s just issues with schedules, sports? and other social activities.? Recently I ran into someone who seem to be oblivious to any and all parenting challenges.? As I decided to meet a couple new people, I ran across someone who seemed to be very charming and attractive.? I assumed that common sense came with that package also.? I was wrong.

As we begin to plan a day to meet, it became apparent that this woman had no concept of parenthood.? I won’t even give her the courtesy of any identifying initials, but it left me shaking my head.? There were several chances during the week when I had an opening in my schedule to meet for drinks.? She lives 5 minutes away, so meeting should’ve been easy.? Since she works in retail, my free time was about the same time when she was free.? To my surprise we didn’t meet.? It was a few days later when we began to try to meet again.? This time I realized there was no reason for me to go forward.

42 16211537 My Kids Come First

It’s the weekend and Alpha Boy was hanging out with his friends.? She was off from work and was having a few drinks with friends.? After she was done having drinks, she wanted to come over to my place.? I told her there was no way that I was going to invite her over while my teenage, Alpha Boy was here.? I suggested that I meet her at a place that is less than a mile from my house.? She then asked me if I’d go dancing with her in NW Dallas.? I told her that I wasn’t going to go that far from home.? Since Alpha Boy is a teenager, I’m comfortable being 5-10 minutes from home at night, but I’m not going 30 minutes away.

She asked me why not?? I told her I’ve told her the same reason 3 different time and I’m not going to debate my parenthood.? By this time I was irritated.? It wasn’t irritated because I couldn’t meet up with her.? I was irritated that I had to repeat myself several times.? I kept thinking she can’t be this ignorant to single parents.

So I mentioned to her, that maybe she’s not used to meeting/dating single parents.? To my surprise, she mentioned that she’s dated single dad’s before.? I had to think, how could she be so selfish?? Maybe she’s never been rejected by someone because of their parental responsibilities.? Either way, I was totally turned off.

I would love to attribute her attitude and reaction to her age, 26.? But I don’t agree with that at all.? I happen to know other 26 yr old women who are responsible parents.? I’m starting to realize why I usually meet women who have children.? It’s one of the things that give us a common ground and interest.? It seems that parents have a exclusive respect and compassion for other parents.

Here it is, 3 days later and I’m still receiving messages.? She’s attempting to convince me that I should meet her for drinks.? Well I have to say, there’s no chance of that happening.? As most single parents, my schedule revolves around my kids schedules.? If there’s a issue today, there’s a good chance the same issue will be there tomorrow.

Apple iTunes My Kids Come First

Normally these are the type of things I hear single moms complain about.? But I’m sure there are dads that have similar issues.? So for all the single parents, have you ever had anything like this happen?? How do you normally juggle your adult activities and your parental responsibilities?

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Tagged as: dating, Parenting, single dad, single parents

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 539 awesome articles.

  • Cilla
    I was ruminating about this post some more, as the holidays approach and I'm trying to schedule social time around my other children--the four-legged ones. I guess that's like having toddlers with slightly more lenient daycare responsibilities.

    Anyway, I was thinking about a man I dated (in Dallas actually--the men are as gorgeous there as you say the women are!) who told me about his experience as the sole parent raising his son. He said he spent most of his law school years, not out in bars, but studying with his toddler son lying in his crib next to him. The image of him sitting in bed with one hand holding a law text and the other rubbing his son's back to help him sleep was one of the sexiest things I've ever heard.

    I find all those parents who are out getting wasted on a Wednesday night distinctly distasteful.
  • I actually know several single parent dads that have full custody of their kids. I was one when Alpha Boy was a baby and I can honestly say that women usually find it attractive. At the time, I had to turn away plenty of dates because Alpha Boy was my main focus.

    My social life came to life when his mother spent more time with him. It's all about priorities.
  • Robin
    I agree with you on this. Being a mother with 4 kids and the daddy is not around I have a weakness for men that are actually there for their children. It is a real big turn on!
  • Robin
    I am a single mom of 4, which includes two teenager girls. I completely understand not wanting to go out more than about 10 minutes away, although on occasions I will. I do not think this is about that though. I think this is more about her wanting things when she wants it and how she wants, especially if you two are within 5 minutes of each other. You stated that there were several opportunities throughout the week for you two to meet and to your surprise it never happened. It is like a convienence thing for her--do it when she wants and act like a brat when she doesn?t get her way. I would not go out and say that she is a totally selfish person, but in this situation she was being selfish. She was not being understanding and if she was then she just didn't give a damn about what you wanted or said.

    As far as juggling adult activities and parental responsibilities, I work two jobs, go to school, and once again have 4 children. As you can probably guess there is not a lot of "adult activity" time. I do try to fit in a little time usually after 9 pm. I do not do this a lot because I get really b*tchy with lack of sleep, but we do need a little adult time in our lives!!! I have men that get really frustrated with me and think I am just blowing them off when I tell them I am busy, but I am not. I really am just BUSY!! If they do not understand that then I am sorry. My parental responsibilities do come first!!
  • Steven
    Cilla has it correct. I can't talk to the single parent view, since I am married, but same goes for married couples trying to do thinks with other married couples. We tend to do social activities with couples or singles with kids close to ours. Make it a lot easier to go out and also to relate to one another. But we still find some parents that have a different outlook on parenting then we do, that will go out during the middle of the week to go partying and get wasted (yes 30/40 married mom's) so my wife has stopped going out with them after hearing they got banned from Martini Ranch (when it was still opened).

    When I was single (before kids) and dated a single mom's,I remember it was to find time for them to go out. Most had really young kids (under 5) so I would offer to have to pay for babysitter so they could go out or we would hang out at there place, but I always felt strange being there with there kids being there since 1) I did not have any kids yet. and 2) Being raised myself by a single parent and remembering what it was like to see my mom dating. So I only dated a very few single mom's and only one for more then a few months.
  • Martini Park had plenty of married moms out during the week getting wasted. I'm sure if they had a sitter or other parent that took over all duties that wouldn't be so bad... I just can't do that as a single parent.

    I have to admit... I've never paid for someone else's sitter. I did split a sitter when Alpha Boy was a toddler. Since then.. I just coordinate.
  • You get big parenting points from me, too!

    To be the Devil's Advocate (because you know I am!), if you're looking to hook up with a 26-year-old, I'm not sure it's fair to have any expectations at all. Granted, there are some very mature women in their 20s (I was one, ha ha!), but for the most part, in your 20s, you're searching and learning. She sounds like she's out to find a good party.

    If you really want a real relationship, you might have more success with a woman closer in age, who has had more life experience?

    <abbr>single mom seekings last blog post..Holiday giveaway: How do you handle loneliness?</abbr>
  • I like getting points from you SMS. :D

    I've gone out with several 20-ish, SF26 being one of them, and they've been very responsible and understanding parents. I'm thinking it's the lack of parenthood with this particular one that makes this an issue.

    Like you I was a single parent in my 20's and spend all of my free time with Alpha Boy.
  • This happens to me a lot! Some of my female blog readers give me a hard time for not wanting to date someone who lives an hour away, but it's all about me wanting to be close to my kids. They are teens, so I can go out and leave them without worrying. But, like you, I'd want to be nearby in case they needed me. You get big parenting points from me.

    <abbr>dadshouses last blog post..Coffee House Pickup</abbr>
  • As you know, teens can have 'issues' within minutes and you might have to run home quickly.

    Do I need to worry about getting point from another dad? ;) haha
  • Cilla
    I feel your pain, too. Julie hit on the essence of it in her comment: people without children don't develop that selflessness that parents (at least good parents) must have. Like you said, Eathan, people in their twenties can be responsible and understand the parameters of dating as a single parent, just as people in their forties can be clueless about it--it has nothing to do with age. I used to think that childless men would be the easiest group to date--I had to rethink that decision.

    I have found the best solution is to try to date men whose children are close in age to my son. That way our kids' needs are at similar levels, and our degree of freedom is likely to be the same.

    It works both ways, though. While I understand the needs of a man with toddlers or preschoolers, I also know I don't want to return to that high degree of parenting. If a man with a three-year-old expresses interest in me, no matter how hot he is, I have to decline. It hurts, but not as much as another 15 years of co-parenting would if we were in a LTR! A guy with middle school age kids without a lot of behavioral issues? Yeah, I might consider it. A man with a car seat in his minivan? Now there are a couple of good reasons not to date him! LOL.
  • Wow, you have a list longer than mine...haha At least you're able to know what works and doesn't work for you. Most people have no clue...and just go at it aimlessly.
  • As a single father of two boys (12 & 8), trust me when I say I feel ya pain... That's really all I can say, reading your post today is like a page out of my own dating life lol...
  • ED, I sometimes wonder if some of these women expect some of the single dads to be more available and lack some common sense. This is one of the few times I've been really irritated at someone.

    At least I know that I'm not the only one that is experiencing this.
  • Well, I'm not a single parent but all of my friends are single. Ry and I have been friends with a group since college and they're only now starting to marry off and breed. Since my oldest is 3, I've been BEGGING for any of them to have kids, just to have them gain some knowledge. Finally, one did. We went to visit the new baby and the couple issued us a formal apology-"Now we know why people shouldn't just drop by at 9 at night, or why you may not want to go to a fancy restaurant." THANK GOD. People are selfish, once kids come around we have to abandon a lot of that selfishness for them. Watching the change as these folks catch up is amazing. Since my kids are older and getting to where we can get a sitter and go out, I look forward to calling the new couples with 2 months old and making them feel guilty for not going to the bar with me.

    <abbr>Julie@Cool Mom Guides last blog post..You?re Welcome, Carolina.</abbr>
  • haha that's funny. Just wait until they get older. That's when you want to leave them, but with the kind of trouble they can get into.. you know better. Everything changes once you have kids.
  • Bedtime Storie
    I've had this happen to me a time or two from someone who was a parent and another who wasn't. As for juggling between social life and parent hood, it's simple if they can't understand that your children come first then you don't need to be with them.

    I can imagine that dating a single parent can be difficult at times trying to schedule some time together, but almost all of us have some time with out our kids to have a social life.

    So if that person is really into getting to know they will be understanding and patient if not then you don't need them. They'll end up being drama anyways.
  • Well said. I thought this was a insight on this persons future. I had a feeling there would be more drama if I went further... It is a juggling act. ;)
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