LTR From A HookUp?

by Eathan

A couple weeks ago, I had a discussion with woman who would like to remain anonymous.? She and I met a few weeks ago.? She read my site and wanted to meet for drinks.? Since then we’ve had plenty of thought provoking discussions.? One of the most interesting topics is, can a relationship be built from a hook up?

As many of you know, I have a relaxed view to dating.? Over the last year I’ve discussed some of my dating thoughts and ideas.? One of them is understanding who you are and what makes you tick.? I have known for a long time that I’m a very sexual person.? I realize that and I embrace it.? I also realize for me to be happy in a relationship, I have to be also sexually satisfied.

People are in relationships for years and are miserable sexually.? I’ve read about it.? I’ve heard about it.? I know of friends who are experiencing it.? Is that my idea of a great relationship?? No.? I can’t imagine being miserable and being in a relationship.? I can be miserable alone.

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Most of you read about the Ex-Factor.? It seems that sexual frustration can build up until someone takes more drastic measures.? I don’t agree with the choices that people make, but I understand their problem.? If I choose to be in a committed relationship I am expecting it to fulfill my relationship needs.? You know the emotional, physical and social needs.? Of course, this is easier said than done.

Since I’m divorced, I’m past the idea of how the fairy tale relationship begins.? It used to be you met a beautiful woman.? You exchanged phone numbers.? Talked on the phone and planned a date.? You went to dinner and the movies or possibly dancing.? Just like the shampoo bottle, you repeated this 3-4 times.? Eventually you have sex.? Months or years later (depending if you’re a woman or guy) you get engaged and you lived happily ever after.? Aka the fairy tale

Then you realize honeymoon is over and life begins.

The reality is I’m more practical these days.? I know that I have responsibilities that keep me busy.? I don’t have time for all the traditional dating/courtship.? When I have a open weekend, I take advantage of it.? That means I crunch 2 weeks into 2 days.? I’ve done my version of speed dating.

Sex could happen on the 1st date.? It could happen on the 4th date or even longer.? I have no secret recipe for when it happens.? If there’s chemistry and enough time, I’m usually interested.? I’ve even pre-planned booty calls.? (single parents do this)? I’d rather find out if we’re compatible than to wait weeks just to realize that it doesn’t work.

Believe it or not, this happens more than you think.? I believe more and more people are concerned with sexual satisfaction.? There are too many divorced people who have memories of sexual frustration.? There’s no reason why a mutually satisfying hook up can’t turn into a relationship.? It take 2 adults that share mutual interests and ideals.

For me it’s easy to find great conversation.? It’s easy to find someone who likes music, movies, Longhorn football and traveling.? It’s even easier to find a attractive white woman who is open to dating interracial.? One of the toughest parts of the equation is the sexual compatibility.? If I find a woman who has all of these things and we end up in a relationship, I won’t complain.

Have you had a hook up develop into a relationship?? Are you worried about sexual compatibility when you date?

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Tagged as: dating, hook ups, LTR, relationships

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 539 awesome articles.

  • Cilla
    I've had relationships (one as long as 5 years) develop from hook-ups, and I've had hook-ups that went nowhere. The ones that go nowhere are the most frustrating.

    There are the times you are really into someone you meet online, you exchange a lot of emails, you talk for hours on the phone, and you can't wait to get together in bed to consummate this great new mutual appreciation. You wait weeks for a date because of geography, or parenthood, or work. You finally get together, knowing you're going to sleep together on the first date, and...what? The sex is horrid! He can't keep it up, he doesn't get you off, he likes missionary only (even though he said before he loves variety), whatever.

    Then there are the guys you meet at a party, maybe a friend of a friend, so you feel particularly comfortable getting intimate right away. Your chemistry is instant, the sex is great, but you never hear from him again. You maybe send a quick text, drop a line, leave a breezy message (don't want to pursue too much, but want to let him know you had a great time, etc.) and...nothing. He probably got back together with his girlfriend, realized you weren't his type, or just wanted a one night stand to begin with.

    From both of these types of experiences, I've come to the conclusion that while a relationship can develop from a hook-up, it's a rarity. It's a conundrum, though. I've had a lot more hook-ups lately, because I am more convinced than ever that sexual satisfaction is a huge part of a relationship for me. I don't want to waste my time gradually getting to know someone and going on endless dates together before sleeping together, only to find out we are not compatible in the sack. Then what do you do? Now you're in a "relationship" with someone who doesn't satisfy you physically. If I wanted that, I'd still be married LOL.
  • I believe a long loving relationship can form from a "hook-up". Although sex is an important factor in a relationship, it is not the determining factor (for me). Call me (and some other bruthas) the exception to the "rule" but I have to connect with someone on a whole other level to even be interested in them sexually. Of course, some can get in there, get them guts, and them laying there sweating and leaking and not even think twice about it. (Sorry for the graphic). Some might say the goal of any new relationship is the all explosive "hook-up".

    <abbr>Daryls last blog post..Can A Brutha Be Sharp?</abbr>
  • Dekutoski
    Same thing happened with me recently. Up until the great sex we had-it seemed like there was a connection, so might as well see if there was a sexual one too. Problem was, after the sex, it seemed as if this person didn't have anything to talk about anymore-the conversation dried up, in the end leaving me feeling somewhat played and disappointed.
  • Was it because they were too busy to talk.. or did you just both of you just want a hook up?
  • Dekutoski
    either way same end result right?
  • well disappointment only happens if there's expectations.. so it depends on what was expected by both people.
  • Michelle
    Hi,

    I'm new to posting and I love your site. Hmmm, I don't know
    about hook-ups. There was a time in my life (about a year and
    a half ago) where I used to engage in hook-ups a lot. After about
    6 of those (once a month) I realized that I wasn't satisfied. Sometimes the sex was good and sometimes it wasn't. I guess what I really wanted was to know that the guy I was with wanted to be with me for more than someone to f*** with. And I guess now I am that the point
    where I'm in a quandary. One part of me LOVES sex and the other part
    of me wants the relationship. One part of me wishes that I could
    be a bad girl and the other part of me is very reserved, conservative
    and keeps her feelings to herself. I so wish that I could feel
    comfortable as a woman to have sex on the first date with a guy and
    not feel so guilty about doing it.
  • Well ya have to know what works for you. If you have tried..and it hasn't worked.. then you'll have to try something different. ;)

    Sounds like who ever he is....will have fun :D
  • Melissa
    Of course it's possible. Too bad you frustrate the hell outta me. ;)
  • Have you had one start from a hookup?
  • Melissa
    I have actually. Nothing bad happened. Just grew apart and went our seperate ways.
  • I had one hookup turn into a relationship and it lasted over a year. It also ended in her cheating on me. But regardless of that, yes, it is possible, but it can be a fragile thing depending on the circumstances.

    Sex is something this is important to me and I'm ok with that. If there is no sexual compatibility, then one part of the relationship is going to suffer. I am not too worried unless she's a dead fish. But having said that and having gone through that, if she has much more of offer than her dead fish routine, I'll be able to put it to the side...

    <abbr>Infinitys last blog post..Virginity = $3.5 Million</abbr>
  • Jennifer
    Yes, I have been in a relationship that started with a "hook up" and I see no reason why there should be a problem with that. Its not all that easy to find people to date, I dont go out much and being a single parent limits my ability to go out. So, if a hook up turns out to be "relationship material" and our needs/wants flow well together, whats the big deal?

    As for your second question...good lord yes! I have been in a relationship where we were completely on different sexual levels. It was awful! Our differences led to us breaking up. Both of us felt uncomfortable because we were never able to connect sexually. And yes, I was the one that wanted to have MORE SEX!!! :) My advice never stay in a relationship where you are sexually incompatible.
  • I actually got married and it all started with a hook up. Of course I didnt get married the next day...it was wayyyy down the road. ;)

    Imagine.. a woman wanting more sex. That brings another topic to mind.
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