As a divorced parent, I end up dealing with issues that I would’ve never imagined. ?Recently I’ve stayed at Dirt Bike Boy’s house while his mother is traveling for business. ?That seemed to be a simple solution to a problem. ?It gives him the chance to keep his regular week day routine. ?It allows me to spend more time with him. ?And since I can work from any location, I agreed. ?It sounded like a wonderful agreement until I walked into his mother’s home.
I have to admit that I’m not a clean freak, but I like my house to be organized. ?I like to know that there is good energy/Chi flowing through my home. ?It makes me feel great to know that everything is in it’s place. ?I don’t have to worry about the sink being full of dishes. ?I don’t have to worry about the laundry basket being full. ?I don’t have to worry about a stack of papers on the counter.
When I arrived at Dirt Bike Boy’s house, I couldn’t believe my eyes. ?I was shocked. ?There was unfolded laundry on the sofa. ?The dishwasher needed to be unloaded. ?There were dishes in the sink. ?There were dirty clothes piled in the corner of his room. ?He had toys and video games all over the living room. ?There was even empty water bottles and empty bags of chips.
Immediately I had a plan of action. ?I told Dirt Bike Boy and his mother, “there is no way I’m going to allow this to continue.” ?I instructed Dirt Bike Boy to get his butt into his room and clean it like it’s at my house. ?With out any discussion he left the room. ?I felt like the Super Nanny. ?Within 20 minutes he had his room clean and it was up to my standards. ?As much as I understand being a single parent, I don’t understand being a lazy slob.
I had a short and brief discussion with the ex about how Dirt Bike Boy doesn’t have consistency. ?As most divorcees, the kids understand that there are two sets of rules for two different homes. ?The kids try to use it to their benefit all the time. ?But the one thing I expect one set of rules on is basic housekeeping. ?If you make a mess, clean it up. ?If you’re are finished eating, clean it up. ?If you’re done with your toys, pick it up and clean it up.
I don’t have a maid. ?I don’t have a butler. ?I’m not planning on hiring either one in the future either.
I’ve said this on IDW before, “I’m raising boys to be men.” ?The only way I know how is by teaching them the basic facts of life and how to incorporate them into their life. ?For me that means teaching them how not to be a slob and taking care of business. ?It means teaching them to at a young age to work hard, then play hard.
So after a couple hours, I made it clear to Dirt Bike Boy. ?If I drop by his mom’s house and find his room messy or him slacking on his chores, he’s grounded. ?No questions asked. ?He’s grounded.
The toughest part is working with the ex on this. ?I will admit that most ex’s wouldn’t allow most men to have such input on their kids, but I think I’ve set a pattern of influence with my boys. ?I struggle with discussing this topic on the site, because I know there are plenty of single dads who aren’t allowed to have such a strong influence or relationship with their kids.
When I look back on this day, I feel disappointed. ?I also have a sense of pride. ?I’m disappointed that Dirt Bike Boy was slacking on his chores. ?I felt a sense of pride that he cleaned up the way he was taught.
I’m starting to wonder if single moms are just slacking on discipline? ?Do the single moms spend all their time catering to the kids when the dads aren’t around? ?Is there anything that single dads can do to make sure moms teach boys responsibility? ?Single parents where are your thoughts and opinions?
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I really admire and respect your stance and think you totally did the right thing. To be fair, his mum should want him to have those values and want to have the place tidy. It’s not about being OCD clean freak but that kind of untidiness just isn’t right. Even though you aren’t together, consistency is important. My parents weren’t together since before I was three and my dad made it clear that I couldn’t take advantage of them not being together and the same rules applied because he didn’t wants us going home to my mum and taking liberties. With regards to boys, the male influence certainly helps, something I have said to my stepfather about my two stepbrothers. They veer between slacking off because it’s my mum or thinking they have more power than they do because they are the men of the house. At least you are nipping this in the bud now. I fear it’s too late with my brothers!
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I am sure you knew I would have to say something on this one! lol
My 13 yr old is lazy I have to tell him 4-5 times just to put the dishes up. I have noticed this with children no matter what age they are. Daddy speaks and everyone listens. Why Dad has the complete respect like that I do not know other than the tone of the voice.
I have a girlfriend she can tell her 3 yr old something and he will not listen but let his daddy tell him it is over with or done at that point.
I have to stay on my son daily to clean his room up and it is like it just goes thru one ear and out the other. What I have to do is take the video game away from him or tell him he can’t play in the game this weekend that gets him in line.
My son’s room at his mom’s house is pretty clean, but at my house it’s a mess. I talk to him about it. I make him clean it before he goes out to play. I try to convince him to keep it clean. And in no time flat, it’s a mess again. I think I need your supper nanny influence to make it stick with him.
Maybe grounding him is the solution?
I think it’s great you’re such a hard-ass on your kids when it comes to taking care of business and keeping the house clean and full of good chi. That’s awesome.
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