Today’s post is written by Priscilla San Remo. I received a call today from a friend of mine who is on vacation in Antigua.? Like me, Anita dates mostly black men.? She has had a few boyfriends since divorcing 10 years ago and moving in next door to me, but over the years she always went out with William, a black native Antiguan, whenever she was “down on the island,” which was at least three times a year.? Anita called today to say she and William were getting married tonight in a casual ceremony on the beach.? Here’s the kicker: Anita and William have never spent more than 10 continuous days together.
Let me back up here and give you a little background on Antigua, for those who may not be familiar with it.? Antigua is an island in the West Indies and is the main island for the country of Antigua and Barbuda.? About 96% of the population is of black African descent, from an ancestry of slavery.? The remaining people on the island are mostly Europeans descended from slave owners and colonists.
Because of its African heritage, Antigua has many African cultural influences, especially in its diverse musical vernacular. Calypso, steel drum, and reggae are all popular.? Historically, calypso was used by slaves as a way to communicate when talking directly to each other was forbidden.? While English is the official language of the island, many islanders speak Creole influenced by African dialects.? A wide range of religions can be found on Antigua, including Anglican, Baha’i, Rastafarianism, and Islam.? Antigua is known for producing some of the world’s best cricket players and for its celebration of Carnival, a ten-day event marking the country’s emancipation from slavery in 1834.
Anita warned me as I gave her a lift to the airport that she was considering marrying William.? It’s a very backwards way of starting a relationship, but the only way they can see if they can stand to date each other for a longer period of time.? Anita owns her own business and can’t be away for more than two weeks at a time (she’s a massage therapist).? William can’t come to visit her in the US without a visa, something that takes anywhere from weeks to years to obtain.? As there is no US embassy on the island of Antigua, he’d have to travel to Barbados to apply for a visa, with no guarantee that he would obtain one.? Marrying a US citizen ensures that he will be able to enter the country.? Once he is in the US, they plan to live together to see how they get along.? Crazy right? Or is it?
Anita is a youthful 54 and one of the most independent women I know, but she’s at an age where she’d like to retire soon in a committed relationship.? She has dated enough since her divorce to know what she doesn’t want. Like me, Anita has a difficult time meeting black men in our small city.? She doesn’t like online dating.? She gave another beau in a nearby big city the chance to step up and be the man she wants, and he can’t do it, so she cut him loose this fall.? She and William have known each other for over 20 years, and she knows his family and his cultural background.? She has drawn up a prenuptial agreement for William to sign upon his arrival in the US. She realizes the risk involved, but she sees it as a calculated one.? She knows she loves William; she just doesn’t know if she can live with him.
Do you think Anita’s decision is crazy? Do you think moving from the West Indies to the Midwest will be an extreme culture shock for William? Do you think his risk is as great as Anita’s? Would you ever take a chance like that to be with someone? How far would you go?
Today’s post is written by Priscilla San Remo.
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