Today’s post is written by Priscilla San Remo. ?Readers of my last post, Doing the Dating Detox, know that I have embarked on a sabbatical from dating, at least for the next month or so. The idea behind Dating Detox is to become more in tune with your own needs, as well as to assess what you liked and didn’t like about previous relationships, in order to improve on future ones.
The program is going well so far. I’ve had time to clean my study, purge old work files, make further plans on an imminent career change, and order books online. The warmer weather has made it easier to grill and therefore eat healthier foods.? I’ve had several exes hovering in my universe lately, but I’m only giving them as much effort as they put forth. A text message gets a text message back.? If I miss a phone call, I’ll call back, but if I get voicemail, I leave a brief message, and that’s it.? No more arranging my life around men who can’t find the time for me.
Last week a couple invited me to join them for drinks, and what I suspected was a fix-up with another single friend.? Rather than derailing my Dating Detox, the evening (which was, indeed, a set-up) only strengthened my resolve not to settle for any deal breakers, those qualities in a mate that I find impossible to live with under any circumstances.? Let’s start with Steve, the guy my friends wanted to fix me up with. For starters, he’s white.? That’s not a deal breaker, per se, but it’s not a good start, since I usually prefer black men.? Steve was not the kind of guy that would change my mind about this. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that Steve is gay, which is a pretty big deal breaker, hot or not.
To make matters worse, during the evening, my friends inquired if I had any pictures of my son.? I pulled out my iPhone and scrolled through my camera log to find his senior picture, and clicked on it to bring up the full-screen image.? I handed the phone around the table, and when Steve got it, he looked at my kid’s picture, then started thumbing through all the other photos stored on my phone!!!? At first, I was too flabbergasted to say anything, but then I realized I already knew I wasn’t interested in him-what did I care? But it made me question whether or not I even wanted to be friends with him. If he’s that comfortable invading my privacy right in front of me, what would he do if he thought I wasn’t looking?? Go through my checkbook? My medicine chest? My nightstand?
So, before I give you Same Circus, Different Clowns Part II (which is more fun, I promise), let me ask: have you ever taken an intentional break from dating? What are your dating deal breakers or conversely, must haves? Have you ever ended it with someone because he or she invaded your privacy? Do you let friends fix you up?
Today’s post is written by Priscilla San Remo.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Well being 22 a deal breaker for me would be kids. Now don’t get me wrong they maybe a great person, but I feel like I’m bringing a clean slate to the table and I expect the same. I have no kids, no criminal record, and I’m trying to build a good life for myself.
Low or No Self-Esteem: I want to explain this. People that are confident IMO, also have a high level of value and respect for themselves, and if you don’t value, respect, or love yourself then how can you expect someone else to???
Grace & Poise:
This is a given I guess. I hear women talking about sometimes how men don’t act like these days, well women should act and carry themselves like a lady. It repulses me to see a woman that is all over the place and that doesn’t know how to hold and carry herself.
Diva Personas:
This probably goes under Value/Respect, but it makes me sick when I encounter women who act like their s**t don’t stink, or as I like to call it the “Beyonce Diva Complex”.
I took a break from dating in September of 2007 up until February
of 2009. This was also a celibacy break and it did me a world of good. I was a member of a popular adult dating site (I’m sure you can figure out which one) and I had my choice of dates for a while. Well, after you get your share of one night stands and basically commitment phobes,I cancelled my subscription with the service. Well, in February, I decided to rejoin with a new agenda. I’m thinking like a guy and it seems to be working. I met one guy on there who was looking for a booty call. We hooked up and that is what he is to me. He knows
that if he calls wanting to chat or talk about a relationship, I will
hang up on him. I’ve had three other “real” dates, where the gentlemen were very nice and I hope that it will lead to something better. But,I think if you treat the guy like he’s going to treat you or if you can anticipate if he’s looking for a booty call, then it totally changes the way you handle the relationship.
Oh wow, I can’t believe he started thumbing through your pictures. I mean, HELLO? How rude. What if you had nudies on there or something? I mean, hey it’s YOUR phone and YOUR business. I would have felt a little violated and somewhat pissed.
I took a break from dating over two years ago after I had been in relationships for 15 years straight. I was scared as hoo ha. I was afraid to be alone. I finally dove in head first and took the break and it was the best thing ever. I finally got to figure out who “I” was, who “I” wanted to be and which direction “I” wanted to go in without the influence of another man, another person. It was a great time to soul search and regroup and figure out what I really wanted in life and who I really wanted in life.
Queen Lindsays last blog post..Men?s Top Ten Turn-Offs
Ooops, she did it AGAIN! Priscilla, I f*****g love your posts, can you just go on now and get your own blog?
I never comment b/c well, I’m a serial lurker, but today I’m up for it. A Dating Detox was my New Years res for 2009 and I gotta say. . .man it was harder than I thought. I mean, do trysts with FWB and the occasional FB count as cheating?
But as for real dating, like looking for love, I sure as heck am on a break. From the guy who brought his two kids straight from the emergency room to our first date to my FB who whipped the condom off mid-stroke (I thought he was getting a new one) and didn’t understand what the problem was when I protested. . .honey, puh-LEEZ.
So, now I’m making do with a FB, searching for a FWB, and resting until I find the energy to look for a true partner. If a good man is hard to find, then a good black man who genuinely prefers white chicks (had enough of the fetish jungle fever wannabes) and is not already taken, in the lockup, or HIV+ is, so far, like a needle in a haystack. But there’s always hope that Nick Cannon and Mariah will split
Wow what an invasion of privacy, I let people look at pictures on my digital camera all the time, but they can’t be scrolling through all my pics, they might see something I don’t want them to see.