Today’s post is written by Priscilla San Remo.? I’m not supposed to be dating right now, but since part of my Dating Detox homework is to figure out what I like in my dates, I decided to do a little window shopping.? I hid my profile on Match (so I could cruise with impunity) and started looking at African American men between the ages of 37 and 55 in major cities across the country. Aside from finding the usual list of deal breakers (rampant misspellings, 2 much text talk 4 me, too little information, waaayyy to much information, saying they will “squeeze” me into their already busy lives, hating long hair, etc.), it was fascinating to me how different the men were depending on what city I was searching.
Dallas and Chicago men seem to have the most in common.? The general consensus is one must love sports, especially football, to date a man in either of those cities. ?Both Dallas and Chicago men have an easy-going manner, and the Dallas guys, in particular, are vocal about their love of their home state. While the men in Dallas often list bars and clubs as their favorite spots, Chicagoans, for whom food is king, rave about their restaurants. Not surprisingly, men in Dallas often profess their love of country music, while in Chicago R&B rules. A lot of the men popping up in my Texas searches were business executives (some former athletic pros), while in Chicago, I had a bigger cross section of professions, especially a lot of men in the recording industry. Both cities seem very comfortable with interracial dating, although most Dallas men in my survey prefer slender women, while their northern counterparts want athletic or curvy dates, frequently even women with “a few extra pounds.”
Men in Miami and Los Angeles seem to be the most… well, shallow, for want of a better word. Or perhaps they are just more comfortable being open about their physical criteria because of their pervasive celebrity cultures. Not only do men there want slender or athletic women, their profiles tend to wax on about how important it is that their mates work out regularly and dress provocatively when going out on the town. They also prefer women much younger than themselves, often saying they will date women as young as 21 but no older than 35.? Needless to say, food is not a big part of any of the profiles (unless you count protein shakes), and many of these men work in the entertainment industry or as personal trainers. Real estate also seems to be a popular career. Interracial dating is popular in both of these cities, and many of the men I looked at were themselves the products of mixed marriages.
Boston, as one would expect, boasts a lot of lawyers and academicians. Everyone there, it seems, is a transplant from somewhere else, so it’s hard to pin down a specific “Boston type.” What was surprising was that for a city of that size, I could only come up with a handful of African American men available on Match. Even more shocking was the paucity of black men online in New York.? I asked my sister, who lived a long time in New York City, about this, and she said, “No one dates online in New York.? Everyone goes out, the sidewalks are crowded, no one drives… you don’t need a computer to meet people.”? The government must keep people busier in Washington, DC, as there were more men online there-lots of careers in public administration and law enforcement, and like Boston, a preponderance of transplants. Interracial dating seems to have been the norm in Washington for a long time; I imagine with the current administration, it will only become more popular.
I’m saving my favorite city for last: San Francisco (including Sacramento, Oakland, and the Bay Area). I like to call it “my chocolate box,” as each profile there was yummier than the next. Since I have taken a temporary vow of chastity, I’m only looking at profiles and “favoriting” anyone I really like.? I don’t think it would really violate the Dating Detox rules to conduct email correspondence with any of these men, but I’m trying to keep the focus on me, so for now I’m abstaining. (Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.)
The City by the Bay is a veritable treasure trove of good-looking, sophisticated black men. While it seemed many of the men I looked at worked in financial services and law, there was a smattering of artists, writers, and musicians, as well. Their profiles should be models for the rest of the country: not too long; not too short; articulate; witty; and expressive of the individuals they portray. These guys are true Renaissance men, too, enjoying travel, wine, theatre, sports, and fine automotives. I got the impression many of them had invested most of their adult lives building their careers, and were just now getting around to looking for a life mate-hence, financially secure and single, with no kids-the Holy Grail of the dating world.
Anyone else out there into long-distance online dating? Have you noticed certain trends in different parts of the country? Guys, do women online seem to fit patterns like the men I encountered? What’s your favorite US city for dating? (I’ll be posting about international online dating soon.)
Today’s post is written by Priscilla San Remo.
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