EathanIt was bound to happen.? After years of dating and countless online introductions it finally happened.? I had a date that was awful.? The sad thing is I looked around for the hiding camera crew and Ashton Kucher to jump out.? It was the most awkward 10 minutes of my life.? So let me tell you how it happened.
Last week I got a email from a woman on one of the dating sites I use.? We sent a few emails and then switched to yahoo messenger.? It seemed normal.? Her conversation seemed to be ‘normal’.? Her pictures on her profile were distant, but normal.? It didn’t raise any red flags.? We continued with small chat and decided to meet for a drink over the weekend.? Since I was still thinking about my last date and painting finger nails, I skipped one of my crucial steps of online dating.
Well, Easter Sunday I was having dinner with one of my single groups.? I was done eating and the house was full of people.? I noticed I had a missed call on my phone.? So I called back.? It was her.? We briefly talked, but I couldn’t hear well.? So I mentioned I would call back when I was in the car.? About 20 minutes later I called her back.? I will admit that I wasn’t focused and wasn’t on top of my game.? We chose to meet at Boston’s for a drink in 30 minutes.
Red Flag #1 – If a woman can get ready in 5 minutes, buyer beware!
I arrived at Boston’s a few minutes early.? I was sitting in the car talking on the phone when I realized that maybe I should go inside and get a well positioned seat.? I found a table in the bar area and sat facing the door.? I ordered ice tea.? It was strange because I normally order a Grey Goose on the rocks and for some reason I didn’t.? I had a strange feeling that I needed to be sober.
Red Flag #2 – If you have a strange feeling, you’re probably right.
A few minutes later I noticed a woman walk in.? I didn’t focus on her much, but she sat at a table behind me.? I waited a minuted and then I text, “are you there yet?”? She replied, “i’m at the bar.”
When I turned around, I wanted to run for the door.? It was the 1st time I wished Alpha or Dirt Bike Boy called for me to come home.? I was shocked.
I wish I could give her my normal call letters or IDW initials, but I didn’t ask her name.? She walked to my table and introduced herself.? We briefly shook hands.
Red Flag #3 - Something is wrong if I don’t attempt to hug a woman.
She was wearing some 1970’s dirty hooker jacket with a fake matted fur collar.? I did a double take.? It even had a leopard print.? Immediately my eyes focused on her teets, aka boobs.? They were huge, natural, and almost falling out of her black? spaghetti top.? I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra, which normally is ok with me, but not for her.
As most of you know, I’m a eye and smile guy.? If a woman has a great smile and beautiful eyes, I’m attentive.? Well damn.? She was cross eyed and her grill, aka teeth were jacked up.? How did I miss all of this in her profile?? Was I blind?? Was I drunk?
So I shifted my eyes to her hair.? She had short blond hair.? It was pulled up in 2 pigtails and not the cute ones women wear at the baseball games.? They were on the top of her head.? She quickly said, “I guess I should’ve warned you about the pigtails.”
Immediately I thought, “hell, you should’ve warned me about a lot of shit!”? But I didn’t say anything.
We stretched 90 seconds of conversation into 10 minutes.? She mentioned she was Canadian.? I know and love plenty of beautiful Canadian women, but she wouldn’t be in that category.? I began to focus on ESPN on the big screen TV.? I even text MoodyBitch for a escape idea, she never responded.
I’ll be honest, I thought of several ways to get out of this situation.? I thought about going to the restroom and detouring to the front door.? The only problem with that plan is, she was facing the bathroom door.? I also remembered I didn’t have any money on me.? I’d have to pay via credit card.? I thought about saying I have to take this call outside, because I can’t hear.? But my phone didn’t ring.? DAMN!? And somehow I didn’t want to be the guy that just walked out.? I was stuck.
Throughout this whole experience the bartender just kept looking at me with a big grin.? I was totally embarrased.? For once I was in a situation that I was confused on how to execute an exit.
So finally, she mentioned it was nice to meet me and left.? I paid the bill and left 5 minutes after she did.
I’m sure that most of you are laughing and I’m sure I will be in a few days too.
I want to hear your comments, suggestions and jokes.? Let’s hear it.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, you poor thing. You had me at the Pig Tails. Do you think she noticed that it wasn’t a match which is why she took off? I commend you for not making a bee-line for the door, which I’m sure must have been difficult. There should be some kind of bad date teleport you can just hit and then disappear …
singlegals last blog post..My Universe
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Eathan Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
She knew it wasn’t a match. This was one time I wanted to be a jerk and walk out.
Where do I get one of the teleport buttons? Staples?
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Oh man!! I laughed! Sorry but it was funny! The picture you created – I have seen women out like that and thought “oi did you even look in the mirror”
Shame babes! One horrid one – not too bad going I reckon!
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Eathan Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I got the impression that she has her hair like this all the time. She called her self – “low maint.” WTF????!!! Really?
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Laura Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I am low maintenance and NEVER have my hair in pig tails – NEVER!
Shame babes you sound scared by this experience!
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maria (@piscesinpurple) Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Me too. I *PRIDE* myself on being low-maintenance, but that’s like an everyday thing. If I have a date, or anything else special going on, I will take an hour or so getting my face and hair together, and most of that time is spent on my hair. The only time I would even consider wearing pigtails is to bed. (By myself, of course.)
maria (@piscesinpurple)s last blog post..farewell, but not goodbye ? Blah Bloh Blog
That’s too funny! I’ve had some horrible dates. Glad to hear I’m not alone.
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Eathan Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
You’re not alone… I’ve joined the club of bad dates. lol
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At least you didn’t just get up an walk out. There is someone for everyone, and likewise, there are people that don’t match. You spared her feelings by sticking around.
I’ve been off my game and done something similar. It happens. Just think, you don’t have to experience that for another 7 years (or is it 10 years?).
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Eathan Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I hope I don’t have to deal with it for longer than 7 yrs..lol
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What’s the “crucial step” of online dating that you skipped?
(It’s good that you didn’t sneak away… For karma’s sake.)
maria (@piscesinpurple)s last blog post..farewell, but not goodbye ? Blah Bloh Blog
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Eathan Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
The crucial step is always get a clear and close picture of their face. ughhh…lol
Maybe my this will give me more good karma.
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Oh, my…
I guess you WERE kinda due for a bad date, statistically speaking LOL.
I am always suspicious of photos where you can’t see someone’s face clearly (or he’s wearing sunglasses in every picture). I’ll talk to a guy with no body shots in his online profile, but I gotta see what his face looks like.
The line that killed me: “I guess I shoulda warned you about the pigtails.” WTF? Does that mean that’s her normal hairstyle? Hell, I don’t think I’d wear pigtails to wash my car in my own driveway!
I do think you did the right thing by not walking out, however. You banked a little karma there–always good where you’re concerned.
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Eathan Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Yes, I normally want to see clear face pictures. Not sure why I was so distracted. From what she said.. the pigtails were normal.
OMG.. you have no idea how embarrassed I was. Ok, maybe you do. lol
I’m going to cash in my karma points one of these days.
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Priscilla Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I’m not big on putting a lot of “don’ts” in one’s dating profile, but you might want to add “No Pippi Longstockings” to yours. I’m STILL laughing.
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Baaahhhhaaahhhahahaha………. wwwwaaaahhhhhahhahhhaaa….
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Eathan Reply:
April 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I knew you would laugh at this one..
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This is why I always have an escape plan!! Got pinned down in a similar situation. Girl had a beautiful face but from the neck down it was… ahh… BIG… Finally asked her why she didn’t tell me she was so heavy before we met. She said, “i didn’t think you would like me.” “well you should have allowed me to make that choice,” I responded. After that the air left the room and we both had to leave.
Mikethemasterdaters last blog post..The relationship is 50% wonderful 50% nightmare? Get out!!
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Eathan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:50 am
My plan was flawed. I didn’t have it mapped out correctly. I won’t make that mistake again..lol
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oh how hard it is not to just laugh and laugh. I could laugh though, because I have way worse online dating stories than that. After a while I would date just to see if they could top the last loser. But this isn’t about me, it’s all about you. LOL I have just one simple question. How would one warn another about “pigtails”??? Why would one leave the house if one needed a warning label? Oops…that’s 2, sorry!
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Eathan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:52 am
Yes.. I want you to laugh. I’ll probably laugh at this next week.. but I was pissed for a bit.
I’m not sure how you would warn about pigtails.. and if she did warn me..i’d probably not show up.
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So the pigtails made me think of handlebars. LoL Maybe she thought it would be “cute?” Also I now know it’s okay for me as a woman to take a little bit of time to get ready for a date, that’s a good sign.
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Eathan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Well I’m sure if she took a hour and came out like this.. I would’ve taken her picture for the site.
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Lmfao E, this is hilarious. I feel your pain man. Lol maybe she some aspirations of getting some cocoa puff juice.(That kills me anytime I hear, see , or say it.)
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Eathan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
haha… I’m glad I can make ya laugh even if it’s my coco puff juice references..lol
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OMG E! That’s incredible…
I thought low maintenance was when you have a pretty face and a good complexion and could run out the door with some lip gloss on…wow!
Ponytail, yes…Pigtails, never, well, maybe for Halloween!
Thanks, E! That was funny!
BTW, leopard print is OK if done tastefully in small quantities, in the combination, with the right personality…
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Eathan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
I know leopard prints can be hot..but not when it’s dirty and matted from 1972.:p
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OMG, I am STILL laughing about this one. It just stymies me. Was she trying to give the impression of a good girl being naughty? Or a naughty girl being cute? Nah, I think she’s just probably just immature and lazy–the skank was just an extra bonus LOL. If she didn’t confess to wearing them all the time, I’d think maybe she thought she was gonna get lucky and give you some handlebars to hold on to. HAHA. I just wanna ask her, “So, how long exactly have you had this particularly ‘distinctive’ hairstyle.” Don’t ya wonder if it started in, like, 4th grade????? I worked with a woman who had a Pebbles Flintstone do (big high ponytail on the very top of her head). We all wondered what the heck was going on in her head.
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Eathan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I’m sure we’ll be laughing at this one for years to come. I didn’t think to ask her anything. I was just trying to figure out how to pay my tab and exit. One of the most worst moments in my life. I think I’d rather be naked on a stage.
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It was nice that you spared her feelings, but until you men start telling the truth, women like this continue to roam the streets. Save the rest of us from thinking mean things and play captain save-a-ho. I can feel your embarrassment…been there, and unfortunately done that. Usually I feel so horrible for being so vain in these situations.
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Eathan Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
I just didn’t feel the need to be mean. Ten years ago I would’ve made a scene or been rude.
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Priscilla Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I don’t think it is the responsibility of one’s date to provide unsolicited feedback (unsolicited being the key word). My suspicion is she’s not making a good impression with other guys either (hence the “I guess I shoulda warned you about the pigtails” line). If she wants an “exit interview,” she should ask for one.
There are just as many clueless guys out there. I don’t go offering them feedback unless I’m asked. I think you can very quickly find yourself on a slippery slope. There are some people who can always find something to criticize. Once we make it acceptable to offer comments about pigtails, are we opening the door to picking on subtler, more debatable personal dislikes? If you expect a 10 and get an 8, is that now subject to criticism? Just playing devil’s advocate…
Deep down, she probably knows she doesn’t fit in, but she isn’t willing to do anything about it. If she meets enough guys who seem disappointed at meeting her, and she garners the volition to change, it will become self-correcting. Meanwhile, I say leave the Captain-Save-a-Ho routine up to “What Not to Wear” and “Glamour Don’ts.”
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Some days it just ain’t your day.
At least you behaved like a gentleman, remained polite and tried for a graceful exit. I have seen guys in your situation just up an leave, sometimes with some un-kind words about the lady.
That’s why first dates that aren’t recommend by a friend are drinks or coffee, so there is already an established “short timeline” if I need it. And I always set my phone to ring about 45 mins after my “meet time”. If I’m having a good time, I can ignore it and score points for paying attention to her, if I want an out, I can claim a call I have to take, excuse myself and come back a few minutes later and ask if we can call it a day.
Chris
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Eathan Reply:
April 18th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
I don’t think I could’ve made it 45 minutes..lol But it wasn’t my day.
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LMAO!!! I have to say the pigtails were a big clue. Grown women should only have pigtails if they’re at a sporting event wearing a baseball cap. Maybe when cleaning. But they should never be displayed in public. Again lol
Satyas last blog post..Mandingoism
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Eathan Reply:
April 18th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
I agree.. never ever in public.
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Another reason to stay away from internet dating ….
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Eathan Reply:
April 18th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
nawwww.. not all of online dating is bad.
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My husband who is White had decided to start dating online once he moved to NYC from WI, and he wanted to date women of color. He told me this story of the first woman he met online. A Black opera singer. He said what he most found attractive from her picture was her hair. He describes it as Diana Ross hair. They met at a piano bar, he arrived first. She arrived and he was shock, for she was completely bald! lol! He tried to get over it, but she was also weirdly aggressive. Poor boy from WI! Five days later, he met me (online). We’ve been married 7 years and have 3 kids and are completely and madly in love. I’m glad he didn’t give up. Hang in there…it can be a nightmare for sure, but after the sickness in your stomach wears off I hope you are up for it again! lol!
NYCity Mamas last blog post..A Lazy Afternoon on the Upper East Side/Dorian?s
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Eathan Reply:
April 18th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
That’s true.. you never know who you’ll meet on the next date.
I think I could’ve dealt with a bald head better than the pig tails..lol
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