Interracial dating in a singles group

by Eathan

As many of you know, I meet single women almost every where I go. ?I’ve met them when I’m out with my friends. ?I’ve met them using online dating sites. ?I’ve been introduced to woman by ex’s and even close friends. ?The one way that I’ve never written about is singles groups. ?I’m a active part of a local singles group and yet I’ve never dated anyone within the group. ?That could change, possibly.

During the Christmas holidays I wrote about a Christmas party, Christmas dinner and New Years Eve Party. ?All of those events were with my singles group. ?And I have to admit that all of our events are lots of fun. ?It started when KW44 and I met a couple years ago. ?She was newly divorced and was looking to meet other singles. ?Eventually she networked with neighborhood singles and organized group activities. ?(Thanks KW44)

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We have monthly happy hours, dinners, dancing, and just social events. ?Sometimes we go out and other times they are hosted at someones home. ?The best part about it is, we work around having our kids. ?There have been several times where the older kids baby sit the younger kids. ?It’s amazing! ?It allows the adults to get out of mommy/daddy mode and have quality social time with other adults.

As most of you might think, this is a great way for me to hook up with women. ?You will be surprised, I’ve considered it and avoided it. ?Why? ?My local single group isn’t full of horny 20-ish people. ?We are the horny mid-lifers. ?I’m one of the youngest in my 30′s. ?Regarding dating within our group, I’ve thought a few things through.

  • To dates someone in the group, I would have to choose wisely. ?This group is full of women who don’t casually date. ?The are women who want a serious relationship. ?They may not want to get married, but they want a committed relationship. ?So once I date one person in the group, I’d be exiled from dating any of the other core female members of the group.
  • If I dated someone in our group and we stopped seeing each other, she would have to find a new group. ?Is it fair for me to potentially exile her from a new group of friends? ?I’m wondering if maybe I should keep the singles group for my social needs and not my dating desires.
  • The other issue is our group provides a safe environment for singles to hang out in mixed company. ?It allows the women to relax and know that the guy will be gentlemen. ?I recently was identified to a new woman in our group as the protector. ?I’m the guy who walks the women to their cars, so that no one bothers them. ?I’m also the guy who wards off unwelcome flirting from strange guys.

Why am I bring all of this up? ?I am happy to enjoy the benefits of a local singles group. ?Everyone there isn’t a interracial dater, but we are divorced. ?To date it’s been one of the most positive groups I’ve been associated with. ?And at the most recent event, a birthday party, I met someone of interest. ?Now I have to decide if I want to take a chance with someone within the group or exclude them from my potential date list.

I’m curious to hear thoughts from my readers. ?Should I ask her out? Or should I just remain friends?

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Tagged as: dating, single parents, singles group

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 539 awesome articles.

  • That is a risky move. Some times it is hard to find a good social circle that provides you with good interpersonal relationships with people. I personally think if you have no intention to moving to another level if the opportunity comes up with this woman, stay her friend and only her friend. I get the impression you are not currently looking for "Ms. Right". Even with an understanding at the beginning, I have seen first hand how friendships or FWB can turn into something more serious for one (or both) people in the relationship.

    <abbr>Daryls last blog post..It Isn't Always About Race with the Police....Get Over It!</abbr>
  • Don't risk it atleast not yet.

    I need to find a group like that in OKC.

    <abbr>Constances last blog post..Relationship Past</abbr>
  • I'm leaning towards your idea. It's too early to say just yet.
  • Eric
    My dad was telling me story about somethings that happened when he was my age and he told me one major lesson he learned came from a quote they used to say back in the country. "Don't get your meat, where you get your bread". Which is something I've seen and experienced, so I probably would avoid this particular situation.
  • That saying reminds me of my grandpa. That's ole school..but it's still a good one.
  • Sweeeet
    Why can't you just enjoy her company within the group as a good friend and only see her at group events? If you just met this person that means they're new...work it so you're seated next to her at the next dinner, buy her a drink at the next happy hour, ask her to dance when y'all go out dancing. Then you don't have to worry about either of you being uncomfortable if you find you're not compatible. If you are, you can discuss it and take it to the next level. It's really hard to find a good singles group and if you truly enjoy it then why jeopardize that for either of you. Also, if you do date her and it doesn't work out and she isn't invited back, word will spread. Women (and men) talk and you could potentially be labeled as trouble. Pssst...that's the guy that dated so and so and now she doesn't come here anymore. You don't want that. Just my two cents that's worth exactly that, two cents. Certainly doesn't sound like the group I belonged to when I was in Dallas!
  • Sweeeet, are you taking a counseling class or something? lol

    As you know, I see tomorrow before it today is over. I'm not trying to mess up my social buzz.

    And yes, this group is different from the other groups you were around. ;)
  • Nephie
    But why if you mutually decided it wasn't working that both of you couldn't attend? I mean, I know some women get kinda catty when they see someone they dated interested in someone else...but not always...I dunno, maybe it's the swinger in me that doesn't let that kind of thing bother me...I say, if it happens it does, and if it doesn't then that's cool, too.
  • I think it depends on the level of the relationship. To some people it could be like hanging out with the ex-husband/wife. I can see their point too.
  • maichichi
    It sounds like your group is great and I wouldn't risk losing that. Especially since you're mostly looking for something casual--based upon your previous posts, seems you have no trouble finding that.

    I've tried a few sp meetups, etc. in San Diego and it's mostly empty nesters and/or stay at home moms who want to get coffee at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday (um, hello, I WORK full time 8-5). Still haven't quite found my niche.

    If there's really chemistry though then it will likely be unavoidable and it will happen on its own. I love the fact that you've already decided that SHE will have to leave the group rather than you. You might wanna make that clear b/f the two of you get together. . .
  • Yes it is a great group. It's been refreshing.

    I will say... I didn't decide she would have to leave the group. KW44, the organizer told me she would no longer be invited, since I was there 1st. There is some loyalty amongst friends. ;)
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