Opera Guy, as the new Match man in my post is now called, is still in the picture. Stay tuned for further installments.

I’m so pleased that you, as a published author, took the time to comment on the post. I will definitely check out your book–it’s great to know someone can find a happy ending after all those challenges! I hope you’ll come back and read more on this blog.

I’m calling this The Year of Walking Through Fire, because of all the major transformations in my life (becoming an empty nester, potentially moving, probably losing my job–which is OK, since I wanted a career change anyway, and completely re-evaluating my dating life). I really do believe things will turn out OK. It’s that making your actions line up with your desires part that is so difficult! I just need to keep envisioning the other side to keep me motivated.

I dunno, Shoe Guy sounds pretty good to me! I think many of us somehow develop a taste for men with a lot of drama in their lives (and they think the women have it?!) or men who don’t treat women well. We need to break ourselves of this habit and know it’s OK to want and demand more. I’m not saying we need to settle for boring men, but we need to sift through the options better and find those rare well-balanced guys. Shoe Guy sounds like he could be one of them. Is it possible you’re not feeling the kind of instant chemistry you get with less available (and therefore more thrilling) guys? If a little spark of something is still there, I’d see where it could go…

Good luck and let us know when you end your hibernation!

I think so many people get mired down with too specific criteria for their potential mates. You are on the right track when you talk about focusing on the feelings you want out of a relationship. I think it sends out the right vibe to people around you–even if you don’t find “the one,” you’ll probably attract a group of great friends and coworkers who are more in line with your values.

Yesterday, out of the blue, after four months of silence, Shoe Guy texted me. The backstory: after a handful of dates last winter, I emailed him to let him know that I just wanted to be friends. . .and never heard back from him. I just wasn’t that into him and wasn’t sure why. He’s got all the right stuff–african american, tall, handsome, single, successful, so stylish that I thought he was gay, self made man, no kids but would love mine and wants more (me too), owns his own women’s shoe business (hello!), frequently travels to Italy and wanted me to go with him. . .no criminal record, etc. And he was EXTREMELY into me. . .

So do I text him back and stay platonic? Continue with my de facto detox? WHY am I not that into him? For some reason, lately I’ve been thinking about Navy Seal Man, which wtf I haven’t been attracted to a white guy in, well, almost a decade. . .but for some reason I really liked him. The backstory: we also went on a handful of dates this winter but after he seemed not that into me (returned my calls like 3 days later), I deleted him from my Chemistry.com Active matches. . .

I think I’ll stay in hibernation mode. It all seems too overwhelming.

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I have taken a break from dating, but not exactly by choice. More because I’m not meeting the quality woman I’d like to be with. Perhaps I need to focus more on the feeling I desire from a relationship.

Great post!

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