Recently I’ve decided to detox my cell phone and dating options. ?Detox for me is a different from what Prescilla San Remo talked about. ?It’s not as drastic. ?Detox for me is getting rid of all of the phone numbers and women that aren’t worth the energy and effort it takes to answer the phone. ?Most of them just float around in my Booty Call rotation and our relationship won’t be anything more.
I explained to my friend KW44, I need to meet new women because precedence is already set with them. ?For example, TR37 and I remain FWB. ?Even though we have sexual chemistry, she’s destined to remain a FWB. ?There’s too many issues to overcome to even consider a relationship. ?We would need couples counseling just to be able to tolerate each other longer than 2 weeks.
So as I am detoxing my phone, I realize that i need to meet some new white women. ?I don’t have a difficult time meeting women, but I’m ready to explore Match again. ?Several of my fellow bloggers hate using online dating, but I’ve had mixed results. ?I met TW41, the one that got away, online. ?So there is a chance I could meet someone of quality.??So as I put my profile on Match, I’ve started to wonder if my desire to detox is weather related.
Women online take one look at my picture and send me the following question, “You’re handsome and intelligent…why are you single?”
Is there something wrong with a good looking black man being single without a serious relationship for almost 4 years? ?Are white women becoming more leary of the long term bachelor? ?Maybe I should ?just tell a white lie regarding my dating history and say I just came out of a realtionship?
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The “why are you single” line is also a nice opener…I’ve used it before on chicks. Doesn’t mean I’m suspicious about their singleness, just that I think they are attracted and would have no problem attracting me!
Also, I try not to judge why someone is single or not. Human relationships are incredibly complicated and I’ve embraced that.
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I think, as Lance said, it’s sometimes an innocuous comment meant to move the conversation along, or to act as a compliment (“How could you be so attractive and not be snatched up?”).
But I also believe some women use one’s history of singleness as a barometer for commitment phobia. In my eyes, it’s better to have an explanation: wanting to spend time alone after a previous relationship; kids needed extra parenting attention; focused on career; moved; etc.
I wouldn’t tell most potential dates that you’re picky or haven’t found the right person yet–that just implies nothing ever makes you happy, and you’ll be just as critical of them. I would emphasize the positive aspects of having been single for a while, such as having worked on yourself and that there’s no chance you could be looking for a rebound relationship.
What is the truth? And why can’t you just say that?
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I am currently on Dating Detox, but I am taking it to the extreme, as I am “detoxing” until the end of the year. Not only did I cut off all communication with my ex, but a few guys I’ve been talking to as well.
I started around April and haven’t looked back since.
There is nothing wrong with you being single for four years. I’ve been in only one relationship my whole life, and many women are in the same boat.
As a tightey whitey myself, it’s not just us that are weary of the term “long term bachelor”, it’s women all across the board. If you label yourself like that, then women will be weary of you. But if you don’t even use that term, it won’t be such an issue.
If you lie and tell her that you just came out of a relationship, some women might think you’re not over your ex, and that they’ll have to deal with too much baggage. I wouldn’t want to date a man just coming out of a relationship. You’d probably end up attracting women that want to mother you and feel like they need to fix you.
I think you should just tell her the truth, that you didn’t want to be in a relationship, now you do and are really ready. I would respect an answer like that. You don’t even have to tell her you felt it was more fun to whore around. Just say you wanted to be single, and if she asks why, say you want to be sure it was a right fit. You don’t have to say you’re picky, because you’re right that women hate that answer.
I was on Match before, good luck with that. I will say that most of the men that were adamant on their profiles about finding true love or being relationship minded were really just out for pootang and nothing else.
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Detox is SUCH a great idea! Yes, yes, yes!
Re: “Why are you single?” I’ve gotten asked this a lot over the years. I’d love to hear your reply to Honey (What is the truth?)
For me, the truth has been:
I’m picky and won’t settle. And, yes, to be honest, I have some fears to face… I don’t know if this resonates with you?
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Sometimes it is unfortunate that why people we want to love, choose not to love us back. I strongly believe that we all have a match in this word but need to wait until we can get a serious relationship with us and will last. When one attempt to a relationship fails, it simply meant to be. If you are affected with the pain because of the relationship, always remember you can recover it. This could be easily dealt with if only our emotions are not evolved when we start to feel strongly for someone but more often than not ,the heart rules strongly over our head.