Lately I’ve had some very interesting and entertaining conversations with my 14 yr old, Alpha Boy. Alpha Boy will be a high school freshman in the fall. And like most kids his age, his friends are a big part of his life. Since he is playing in 2 summer sports leagues, it seems like his social calendar is almost as busy as mine. The one thing that I’ve noticed is how his perspective on his identity has changed.
Alpha Boy called to tell me about one of his basketball games. During the conversation he mentioned the race of the opposing team several times.
“I knew it was going to be a hard game, because they had 5 black guys on their team… My team only has one black guy, me.”
I’ll admit that I laughed. It was funny the way he said it. But I immediately asked him, “who said you’re black?” He then informed me that his friends say he’s black. So I had to find out if his friends know his mom is white. He said, “yes”. Of course this started a very entertaining conversation. He began to list the reasons why they say he’s black.
- I have darker skin tone than my white friends.
- My hair isn’t straight
- Dad is black
- I’m good at sports – football and basketball
- My friends say I am
Let me warn you that my boys and I make jokes about everything in our life. So of course, this was no different. My immediate response to him was, “didn’t I tell you.. teenage kids don’t have good sense?” He laughed. I mentioned that just because his friends think he’s black, doesn’t mean he’s black. His 1st response was to tell me that he’s not black like me, but 1/2 black counts too. So I said, “I’m black, you on the other hand are mixed.. aka biracial.. aka 1/2 white and 1/2 black?” After a brief moment to think, he fired back. “yeah mom is white, but I don’t look like mom… my hair isn’t straight like mom.. and I’m darker than all of my white friends… And I have swagger.” I’m still laughing at the fact that he thinks he’s got swagger. (I’ll write about his thoughts on swagger another day.)
On a serious note, I’m starting to wonder how much his knuckle head friends will affect him. I realize that his mother lives in a community that isn’t overflowing with Swirl relationships. And even though I challenge him mentally and socially, he still has to be strong enough to stand up for himself within his own social circles.
Should I be concerned that his teenage friends have labeled him? Is it normal for teenagers to be concerned with race? Is it my responsibility to help him appreciate his mother’s heritage?
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