My Interracial Sex Nightmare

by Eathan

It’s been a while since I’ve talked about topics that are very sensitive.  The next few posts that I write will be up close and personal.  I plan to get very specific on some things that might make you cringe.  And I encourage everyone to leave comments and/or share the content with your friends.  With that being said, I am a very honest person.  I’m very upfront and I have nothing to hide.  My life is a open book.  Or at least an open blog site.

The last few weeks I have spent a lot of time with SR39.  It started with a fun date that resulted in me running out of gas on the way home.  A few days later SR39 and I went out for a second date.  We went to one of my favorite local bars, Two Brothers.  Since it was trivia night, a few of my friends met us there.  The night started out fun and ended up with SR39 having a drunk confession.  The confession didn’t bother me, because people say all kinds of things when they are drunk.  But the serious part comes later.

SR39 and I went back to her apartment in Mckinney.  We talked for a few minutes, we kissed, and ended up getting nakkid.  And I have to admit, for a 39yr old woman, she has a great body.  We had great sex.  It was raw, energetic and exhausting.  And she called me “Daddy” during sex.  The one thing that was out of character for me was…. I didn’t use a condom.  I’ll repeat that.. No condom was used.

I’m not concerned with an unwanted pregnancy, because I have a vasectomy.  But I am concerned with STD’s, as I mentioned in a previous post.  I’ve spent my whole life healthy & disease free.  And I want to keep it that way.  But the next morning my nightmare became reality.  SR39 lifts her head from the pillow and said, “Oh my god!  We shouldn’t have done that.”  And immediately I wondered what she was talking about.

309 watermark 320x240 std My Interracial Sex Nightmare

I have to tell you something.  This isn’t the best time to tell you, but I have to tell you this.  (pause & deep breath)  And she begins to cry.

“I was 24 and I broke up with my asshole boyfriend.  I went out with friends and got drunk.  At the end of the night I called him for sex and he said come over.  A couple days later, I began having female issues and didn’t know what was wrong.  So I went to the doctor and I found out I have a STD, genital Herpes.  When I confronted him, he just laughed.  Since then I’ve been taking Valtrex and I haven’t had a outbreak in years.  My ex husband and my last boyfriend don’t have it.  I’m so sorry and I feel so bad that I didn’t tell you this upfront.”

So now I’m in a state of shock.  I can’t believe that the one (1) time that i didn’t use condoms with a new date, there’s a serious health issue.   At least she didn’t say it was HIV or AIDS.  And my initial response towards her is compassion, if her story is true.  I know it had to be very difficult to tell me under these circumstances, but DAMN!  Am I now tainted?  Have I contracted genital Herpes?  Will I spend the rest of my life taking Valtrex to deal with this?  Or is this just a close call and lesson learned?

There are so many questions and emotions going through my head.  But now I have to get up and get to the doctor to get tested.  I will update you on my test results tomorrow.

Leave your honest thoughts, reactions and comments.  I want to hear from you.

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Tagged as: dating, relationships, sex, std's

Article by Eathan

Life long interracial dater and father of two.  Currently resides in Dallas and socially active in the DFW area.  You can connect with Eathan on Twitter and Facebook.

Eathan has written 540 awesome articles.

  • LB
    Sorry to hear about the situation, I hope all of the testing comes back ok. Im sure that was a very difficult conversation to have with her.

    Stay Safe, I will hope for the best for you.
    LB
  • Thank LB. I appreciate your kind thoughts.
  • bedtime story
    Warning if you get tested without an outbreak and have ever had a fever blister (cold soar) the test will come back positive. Clinic/dr's won't test for specific strans they simply test for HPV. Now if you have an outbreak you won't need a test to confirm you have herpes.

    I didn't know any of this till I went to be tested the first time. I told the practianer to test me for everything and that was the one std he told me he could test me for but if it came back positive it could come back positive even if I didn't have the genital herpes virus.

    Keep that into consideration.

    But I can definitely understand the not knowing part. That's always the worst.
    Wish you luck and hope you never drink so much again that you have a weak moment like for the second time.

    Muah!
  • uomeasmile
    Recent developments in blood tests are able to distinguish between the proteins in HSV1 (cold sore, ulcers in mouth) and HSV2 (genital herpes). It may take your body awhile to develop the immune response for a positive test. Just like an HIV test, it should be repeated in six months. Here is more from the FDA about blood testing:

    The new tests detect antibodies to a protein that differs between HSV-1 and HSV-2. This protein is glycoprotein G (or "gG") and the tests are sometimes referred to as the glycoprotein G specific or "gG-based" tests. Another test is the Western blot test. It also is very accurate. In fact, it is the test that most of the gG-based tests have been compared with to determine their accuracy. The Centers for Disease Control now recommend clinicians avoid blood tests that are not type specific. The best way to tell that a test is type-specific is to ask if it is based on glycoprotein G.
  • usomeasmile.. thanks for some insight.

    Either way.. your insight is much appreciated. I don't think there is enough education on the whole testing process for the average adult. Most people are just concerned with the end results. I will continue to get tested several times a year for the next few years..
  • Thanks for the kiss Bedtime (in person next time).

    I'm glad you have shared your testing experiences with us all. I've been tested plenty of times and didn't know that. Don't worry, I will use more self control in the future.

    Thanks for the best wishes
  • Sweeeet
    I have to say I'm shocked too...but everyone makes mistakes. A friend of mine had the same thing happen to him recently only the girl told him she was HIV positive as soon as they were done with the unprotected sex. You just can't be too careful when you don't really know the person. I'll pray you're spared this time...just don't let it happen again! Hope you're well...I miss your daily, even weekly ramblings!
  • Hey Sweeet! I knew of all people.. you'd be shocked by this.
    I prayed that she didn't say HIV, but it's still a bit nerve wracking.
    Thanks for your prayers and I promise it won't happen again.

    The boys & work have me busy.. so every day writing is almost impossible. But I'm always looking for guest writers ;)
  • AMTB
    E... Wow... Okay, first things first: I agree that you are likely "safe" and I pray you are. Secondly, I'm stunned that you-of all people-took that risk and I'm disappointed in you. Lastly, have ya talked to her since? Do you intend to see her again? I'm REALLY surprised she was honest with you.
  • I am disappointed at myself too. I know i'm not perfect.. but I usually keep safe sex on my mind (since sex IS on my mind).

    I can't give you all the answers yet, but the future posts will give you more pieces of what is happening.

    Stay tuned!
  • uomeasmile
    My ex-husband gave me a surprise Christmas gift one year -- Herpes! Yep, I'll own up to it. He had an affair and gave me the gift that keeps on giving. Here is the deal: Valtrex helps reduce outbreak and shedding. You can still shed skin cells with the live virus without having an outbreak. Herpes can be transferred even with a condom because the condom doesn't cover all the goods. However, men are far less likely to contract herpes because the have less mucousal area where the virus likes to replicate. However, some good peer reviewed studies have shown that there is about a one in four ratio of people who have had a herpes infection. You can have the virus without an outbreak. A simple blood test will let you know. Sorry, that is a sucky situation.
  • Wow.. I've heard of gifts like that! And sad to say.. it happens.
    The situation sucks, but I will make the best of it. I will use my site and experiences to educate and inform. And if nothing at all.. my mental strength will be stronger.

    I'm glad you're able to answer a few things about Herpes for my readers. I'm still struggling with the education part of it. So i'm not 100% yet.
  • Doc Culo
    DUMBASS.......I had to get that out of my system since it's hard for me to sugar coat in this situation.
    But Momma Sunshine is right about the break out, BUT it's my understanding there's a short window of contagious-ness before and after the main outbreak that is sometimes undetectable.

    Hope everything turns out alright for you.
  • haha.. i knew I had one of those coming.

    Yeah, I'll admit that was what i was saying to my self in the mirror.
  • I'm no herpes expert, but I'm pretty sure that unless she was having a breakout, then you should be ok.

    Still...gets ya thinking, doesn't it? Hopefully this will be a lesson for all of us, because I think that many people have at least one incident of unprotected sex in their personal history.

    *hugs* to you.
  • Thanks Sunshine. I'm not an expert.. but I can truly say I didn't/can't tell if she was having a break out. I guess I didn't attempt to tell.

    It will be a learning lesson. For me.. on a public scale..lol
  • Simply dropping by to wish you well. Keeping positive thoughts for you.
  • Thanks Dr. Leah for your support and thoughts. Sorry I haven't been on active on your site, but I read you it every week.

    Stay tuned for the follow up to this post.
  • dearChan
    1rst; you will live. its not cancer or aids. herpes is the equivalent of eating a snickers while dieting. modern medical technology makes this obsolete with a pill. dont feel bad about committing a natural act. u r taking responsibilty and covering up so that your next conquest doesnt go through this. *krackin open a beer with you*
  • Thanks for the encouragement Chan. One of the biggest issues is that the meds are expensive. And it changes alot. No.. I won't die.. but I don't want to deal with pain or discomfort. And some people that have Herpes will experience that.

    As you know.. it's the fear of the unknown. Pass that beer over here. :)
  • Satya
    The situation you just described can happen to the best of us. A few drinks in the system and the excitement of sleeping with someone new and we can loose our good judgement. I hope that you haven't contracted the disease.

    Now for the tough part. I'm pretty surprised and maybe even disappointed in your behavior. Perhaps bc you did that post about having a supply of your condom of choice available or the post where you berated a lady friend for not using contraception and didn't want more children. I've been drawn to your writing bc you've chronicled your sexual escapades but have always promoted responsibility. Responsibility by not leading the women you sleep with on, getting fixed bc you don't want more kds, and discussions about condoms. I suppose this is what makes thus revelation surprising. But, we're all human and make mistakes. Again I really hope you didn't contract the disease and have learned from this situation.
    Best of luck!
  • Thanks for the comment. Yes i've been very critical of unprotected sex, whether it was having more kids or STD's its the same situation. I do realize that we all make mistakes, including me. I made one (1) and promised myself I will never ever make it again.

    It was a weak moment, enhanced by cognac & sex anticipation. If it happens to an experienced guy like me.. it can happen to anyone.

    I'll use this opportunity to encourage others to make better choices.
  • T
    I don't know anything about Herpes (but I'm sure google does)... however, I thought if there wasn't an outbreak, you would be ok?

    Stay positive Eathan. Get to the doctor and get checked out. And get info!!

    ((hugs))
  • Thanks T. I've had alot of thoughts/emotions.. but mostly I've got a great support from friends in the medical community. There's a lesson in everything. :)
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