Who Contributes More To Relationships?

Why is slim thugg being treated as an expert? Everything out of his mouth is about what a woman should do and how his white woman does all of these things. Well...what about what a man should be doing? This is the same attitude of most black men that I encounter. They want to take, take, and take, instead of adding to the lives of their spouse. My heart deeply hurts for his girlfriend. I could only imagine what it's like to have a man who thinks it's you're life's duty to wait on him hand and foot, while neglecting you're needs. This is not what real true love is all about. White women can have him. Please...stay away from us sistas. We have enough to worry about than some selfish black man with ego problems.

I feel the same exact way about black men. Black men appear to be dysfunctional in many areas. How many black men do you know that sagg their pants, or who don't know how to have a decent conversation? I have encountered many who think it's perfectly alright to live off the hard work of their woman. Please!!!!....GET A JOB. White man I have dated don't seem to have these setbacks and issues. They marry more and typically know how to treat a lady with class. They are proud of themselves and where they come from and don't have these self loathing issues that most black men seem to suffer from. On top of that...I know of a few bw who have been abandoned by a black man, and rescued by a white man who takes care of the black man's children. These are some of the reasons why I personally am not attracted to, nor would ever date a black man. In fact I am happy when I see sites like this. It opens the door for more vanilla in my life, and the lives of other black women I know.

Well no one said Slim Thugga was a genius or a rocket scientist. But I guess if you are eating a lot of jalapenos... you might wanna check out your Mexican part. ;) j/k

I'm leaving this topic open for discussion on the site.. I just want to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions.

I do realize this is an interracial blog which I have no issues with. Before this turns into black woman bashing, let me point out that Slim Thug just cut his braids off. And about his girl's white side coming out? How stupid that sounds. I guess if I eat jalapenos that would be the Mexican part coming out of me.

There are sorry men and women of every race. Now I realize that some men prefer to date white women instead of black women, I will say that it is not fair to blackball a whole race off of the actions of a few sorry bitches.

Whew.

Sup Wingman... LTNS.

Caring is universal. But i also believe state of mind is cultivated by someone's background and upbringing. I'm sure there's an exception out there too.

I believe it's a state of mind that CAN be (and HAS been) related to race but mustn't be and thus, can't be used an excuse for anything. If two people want success for each other - no matter what race - they will work together to make it happen for them both. My girlfriend can come in one day from work and have dishes washed, the place clean, food to eat, two glasses of wine and a foot massage ready for her. Another day, I could have the same waiting for me.

We do it because we love each other, it makes us happy and we know it's encouraging and helpful. And we don't have to talk about just race. Family upbringing, the society you grew up in and location-based education can all play factors when it comes to your state of mind.

But it's irrelevant when you care. Caring is universal.

Absolutely!!!

Nice journey Daryl. It appears that you have a woman who is willing to do what it takes to survive and reach your goal. Sounds like the white woman you have is driven to success.

All I can do is speak on my own experience. My first wife, who was black, had experience and skills in the medical field that she learned in the military between the time I knew her in high school (as a friend) and seven years later when we actually decided to kick it. She never tried to get into the medical field in a doctor's office or a hospital or never returned to school after she got out of the military. She just dropped some babies as an adult (and a couple from married men) and "got a check" every month and food stamps and was living with her mother and sister (who also had a child). It should have been a sign to me but maybe I was STUPID, YOUNG, and possibly even SPRUNG. Even with my support to try to do better, she reveled in the mediocrity of working in a gas station (and not a very busy one at that) and then a grocery store until we decided that she should go back into the military. As you can tell with me labeling her as my "first" wife; it didn't last. My current wife, who is white, unfortunately (or fortunately because my stepdaughter is a joy - most of the time) had a child in high school; finished high school on time; went to college; was working full time in school (high school and college); got a Bachelor's in Accounting; got her CPA; and pulling is down good money. On a side note, she was not "getting a check" or food stamps in college until I told her that public assistance is made for people like her - working, going to school, and just overall trying to better their life and needed a little help. She is not submissive or someone I can control - any fool that thinks they can control any woman is a damn fool. I am not saying that if I was still with my first wife (God rest her soul), I would be the man I am today. Even though I have my own drive, I think that I would have been hindered by her under-acheievement mentality. I don't need anyone to "take care of me" because I can cook; I can clean; I can do for myself but it is nice to have someone who wants to do for me sometimes. I never really got that from my first wife who was black. My relationship with my first wife was more of trying to get by whereas my relationship with my second wife is more of trying to reach a goal. I usually look for the same thing initially in any kind of woman I dated and of course you find out more after the dating starts - and as you can see, I am with a white woman.

Thanks for sharing Michelle. Congrats on the swirl relationship :)
So you think it's more of a state of mind and not a racial issue?

OK Eathan,
I wanted to give you the other side of the equation with me and my relationship. I am a 44 SBF who is currently dating a 45 WM. We have been dating for 6 months now. He lost his job in February due to an accident he was in. I am a first grade teacher. He gets disability benefits, but I don't feel like he needs to pay for me everytime we go out. If he can't, I will step in and pay. And a lot of times, I do cook (yes, I, a black woman) dinner to save money. He is sweet and treats my daughter and I very well. But if I got any inkling that he was using me for a place to stay or to live off of me, I would kick him to the curb. I guess I feel like relationships should definitely be 50-50. When you meet someone, regardless of the race, he or she should be able to contribute something (financial or otherwise) to the relationship. Otherwise, people will feel lots of resentment. I've never wanted anyone to buy me a new Coach bag or pay my rent or my bills. I just want someone who wants to be with me and vice versa.