Change Is Coming

OK it’s not really a revelation.  It’s just me admitting to some things that I’ve ignored for years.  I will admit when I started writing a few months ago, I thought this would be easy.  Sure I have plenty of dates, plenty of funny stories and plenty of women to fill a encyclopedia.  The one thing I realize now is that all the things I chose to ignore and push out of my memory is now on my site for the world to see.

3I have to acknowledge the events happened.  I have to admit to all the good and the bad.  I have to do the exact thing most people hate to do, wait for my readers criticize me.  I know that most of the things I do are things that some men do every day.  The only thing is, I’ve been doing it for years.  I’ve been doing it better than anyone that I know or heard about.  Yes, I’m a man-ho, man-whore, slut, player, or what ever you want to call me.  Recently I had a heart to heart conversation withMC31.  As a faithful reader, you know we have agreed to always tell each other the truth.  She asked me how many women I’ve had sex with.  She took a wild guess and was still wrong.  I could only give her a realistic estimate of how many women.  I know that several women I see on regular basis read this site, so I’ll just say the number is more than most would imagine.  I believe in safe sex, but it’s easier for me to say how many women I truly wanted to date.  That number is reserved for a very select few.  Those are the ones I think about when I dream of meeting the women of my dreams.  Most of my adult life has been surrounded by my ability to sexually satisfy a woman.  Yes it’s been gratifying for me.  The end result is it has damaged me emotionally.  The common way for me to deal with serious break up is to turn to popular hook up websites like sdc, adult friend finder, and even match to have no strings attached relationships.  Along the way I’ve some regrets, but I’ve pushed their memory out of my mind.  It’s been a long and hard journey to be able to read my dating activities for the last 5 months. It’s made me reflect on my mistakes.  It’s made me think about what it is I want from a relationship.  I’m sure it’s given plenty of my readers something to bitch about.  The fact is I do realize that I am looking for the answers.  What answers?  I want to know what is going to make me happy.  I want to know how to make a long term relationship work.  At this point in my life, I’m not sure if a relationship is in my future.  The one thing that I’m grateful for being able to find women during my life that are beautiful enough to deal with me.  And I’m referring to the ones I’ve had long term relationships with, not the sexual booty calls.

Why am I having this revelation now?  What brought this on?  A few days ago I had a bad experience.  I met someone who was going to be just a booty call.  She was very nice and attractive.  When she took off her shirt she had scars from 2 major surgeries.  She had a gastro bypass.  Needless to say I couldn’t and didn’t go further.  At that point I thought to myself, what the hell am I doing?!  Why am I trying to emotionally kill myself?  I didn’t have the answer.  Since then I’ve done nothing but think about the changes I need to do.  I hope you realize this isn’t going to be immediate over night change.  But change is coming.  It’s the only way I can cope.  I know when this journey is over, it will all be worth it.

Post your comments, I’d like to hear your thoughts.

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